Scars On Our Hearts
by JessicaBrennan
Summary: A/U-Tris Prior thought she had put the past behind her, until an old love shows up again.
1. Chapter 1

(A/N-Here goes another one. Hope you enjoy.)

* * *

Four Eaton stared across the sandy beach towards the group of friends huddled together on a plank of wood. They were laughing as if they had no cares in the world. He noticed Tris Prior straight away. She sat nearest the fire. A guy flung his arms around her shoulders, pulling her back against him. Four's hands went into fists at the sight of another man touching her. There was a time she would have been his, when she would have smiled up at him with all the love in the world, but he'd squashed every ounce of love out of her young soul. He couldn't tear his gaze away from the scene before him. Was this the man in her life?

She looked as beautiful as ever. Four recalled the last time he'd seen her, and the memory was forever embedded in his mind. The night in which he had broken her heart and made her feel smaller than a bug. He remembered the silky-smooth feel of her underneath him. The way her body melted against him. The fullness of her breasts as they filled his hands. To him, she'd been perfect. Tris had been the perfect woman for him in every way. His own stupidity had ruined any chance of happiness.

He rubbed his hands down his pant leg to try to rid himself of the memory of her passion. She had come alive, her responses pure in everything. She had given him so much while he'd done nothing but take a delightful virgin to bed.

Now, he spent most of his days thinking about her. He would have to live with the hurt he'd given her for the rest of his life. No other woman could even begin to compare to her.

The man holding her leaned down and kissed her cheek. She smiled at him, pulling away from his body. Four clenched his teeth together to stop himself from making a scene. He looked away at the lake when he felt a presence by his side.

Memories flooded his mind as he too remembered kissing her cheek...

 _Four had not had a good childhood to say the least, his mother had left them when Four was very young and his father had taken it out on Four. Four had met Tris when she was fourteen and every day, every moment they spent together, even as friends, he had fallen more and more in love with her._

 _His determination to get away from his father, Marcus, had only increased as time went on, his growing feelings for Tris were in constant conflict with his desire to get out. Four didn't know where he would go but he knew that he had to leave this night._

 _But he couldn't leave without saying goodbye to Tris. He went to the party on the beach, that he knew she would be at. As he walked up, she had gotten up and walked up to him._

" _I didn't think you would make it." Tris said as she hugged him._

" _We need to talk. Let's go to the boathouse." Four said._

 _Tris went with him, never seeing him like this before. She took his hand and they went to the boathouse. Once there, she had walked up to Four. "What's going on, Tobias? Why are we here?"_

" _I'm leaving, Tris. I'm leaving tonight, and I'm not coming back." Four said._

" _What? Why?" Tris asked._

" _It's complicated." Four said._

"Tris!" Edward's voice called to her. He walked up to her, seeing the strain on her face. "Are you tired?"

"Sorry, just was a long week at the school this week." Tris answered. She worked at an elementary school.

Tris sat there with her old friends for a while, just laughing and joking and catching up on each other's lives. Some time had passed when she began to feel a burn on the left side of her face. Skin tingling, she turned her head to look around. Her eyes moved over the people there, not recognizing a few of them. Don't know him, don't know her, don't know her, don't know him, Tobias, don't know hi —

Her eyes dragged back, her heart suddenly in her throat as her gaze connected with Tobias'.

She felt as if someone had just swung a bat at her chest.

She couldn't breathe.

It was really Tobias.

He was older, more filled out, if that was even possible, but she'd know that face anywhere. It was hard to mistake.

"Tris?" Edward's concerned voice tugged at her and Tris glanced back at him in shock.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm f-fine," She stammered, slowly rising to her feet. "I'm just… I need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." Tris walked to back to where the restrooms were, she inhaled deeply of the cool air in an effort to get some of that air inside her.

"Tris."

His deep, accented voice drew her to an abrupt halt.

It was him. It really was him. He was here somehow.

Slowly, she turned around to face the guy she had pined over for so many years, her eyes greedily drinking in the sight of him, even though she tried to resist. He wore jeans and a shirt that stretched nicely across his broad chest. He'd always been athletically built, but he'd put on bulk, his biceps clearly much larger than they used to be. His face had filled out a little too, but was no less angular, his cut jawline and sharp cheekbones such a contrast to his exotic eyes and sensual lips. He was utterly striking.

Tris wanted to hate him. A part of her always would.

"What are you doing here?" She asked sharply.

When he didn't answer her, she studied him more closely and only then realized how stunned he was to see her. Finally, he cleared his throat and took a step toward her. Tris took a step back. Something like annoyance flashed in his eyes as he noted her retreat. "Zeke is a colleague. We work construction together. Real estate mostly."

It was a good thing she'd told neither Edward or Uriah about what all had happened between Tobias and her.

"I meant in here in Sacramento," Tris said flatly. "Last time I checked you'd gone back to England."

Four nodded and her heart pumped harder as the surrealism of the moment dissipated. He was really in front of her. Really there. Touching distance. "For a while. But I came back."

Tris' stomach flipped unpleasantly as a question came to mind and quickly spilled from between her lips. "When? When did you come back?"

He shifted uneasily. "A year after I left."

This revelation winded her.

Five words and the betrayal he'd dealt her quadrupled in size. "You've been back for four years?" Tris asked incredulously, unable to keep the anger out of her voice. "You never thought to call?"

He took another step toward her. She took another back. Four rubbed his hand over his head in that way he did when he didn't know what to say. His gaze bored into hers, almost pleading with her. "Back then you were better off without me, Tris. After what I did…"

Disgusted, she suddenly stopped retreating and took a few steps toward him. "Better off? You bet your arse, I am." Unable to take one more second in his presence, she moved to stride past him, only to be surprised by the warm curl of his hand around her bare arm. He halted her, and she stared up at him in shock, ignoring the intriguing spice of his cologne and the fact that he was the only man who had ever made her feel feminine and fragile.

She used to like that feeling.

Not so much anymore. Tris tugged her arm, but Four pulled her toward him.

"Let me go," Tris bit out.

"Tris, at least talk to me." He bent his head toward her and she felt that traitorous flutter of butterflies as she looked into his eyes. "It's so fucking good to see you," he whispered, his expression soft on her.

Tris shook herself out from under the spell he was trying to cast over her. "Pity I can't say the same. Now let me go."

"Tris —"

"Is there a problem here?" Edward's voice made her sag with relief. She looked over her shoulder to see him glowering at Tobias. He was younger and he wasn't nearly as built as Tobias, but Edward's tall, athletic body was coiled with hard muscles. Not to mention that he studied judo and kickboxing. Definitely nothing to sneeze at.

Four reluctantly let Tris go. "No."

She didn't spare him another glance. She couldn't. Instead she marched away from him, putting her hand on Edward's chest in thanks. He threw Four one last warning look before sliding his arm around her waist to lead her away.

"You okay?" he asked softly.

Tris nodded. Lie, lie, lie!

"He looked familiar."

"I knew him in high school. I had a crush on him."

"I think I rem —" Edward sucked in a breath, hardness settling over his features. "Is he the guy?"

"No," Tris lied convincingly. "He just rejected me, that's all. I'm not in the mood to be reminded of that tonight."

"Do you want to leave now?"

Tris drew in a deep breath, knowing she couldn't stay here with Tobias. "Yeah."

Edward got her out of there, reluctantly dropping Tris off at her apartment. She could tell he sensed there was more to her story and didn't want to leave her alone, but she needed to be alone.

Tris couldn't believe Tobias had been living in Sacramento all this time. All this time…

The pain she'd shoved deep down inside her all those years ago came back with a vengeance. Tears burned in her eyes and in her throat as she remembered that night.

The night it all changed…

" _But why, Tobias?" Tris asked, then when he didn't answer she got mad._

" _Fine! I'll get out of here, and I hope I never see you again!" Her breathing felt out of control. She felt out of control. "I don't need this. There are guys out there who actually want to kiss and touch me. Who want to stay and fight for us." She swung around on that grand, arrogant statement, intent on storming out of the boathouse._

 _Instead Tobias' viselike grip tightened around her upper arm and she was suddenly hauled back, her body crashing flush against his. She didn't even have a second to compute what was happening before his hard mouth was on hers._

 _She melted instantly into his kiss, relieved and lustful, her hands relaxing on his strong chest, her body leaning into his while her lips parted to let him devour her. The kiss was rough, desperate, and turned Tris on in a way she'd had no idea a kiss could. She loved the rich taste of him, the erotic feel of his tongue against hers, and the fact that he wasn't just feeling his mouth on hers; She was feeling his strength all around her. His arms were steel bands holding her tight, his hands clenched the fabric at the back of her dress. She slid her hands up around his neck as his kiss slowed but deepened, and she thrilled at the feel of her breasts pressing against his muscled chest. She could smell him, taste him, feel his hot skin. He was everywhere, everything. It was sensational._

 _She didn't know how long that they stood there kissing. It felt like forever. Her lips were swollen, and her heart and body were screaming for more. In a bid for more she ran her hands down his chest, around his waist and then under his shirt, groaning into his mouth at the sensation of his smooth, hot skin beneath her touch._

 _Abruptly, she was pushed away._

 _Panting, Tobias stared back at her as if he'd never seen her before. Shock seemed to immobilize him for a second and Regina was too busy trembling with unfulfilled lust to string a sentence together._

 _She watched as he stumbled back against the bed in the room and sank onto the mattress. He hung his head again while he tried to catch his breath._

 _Knowing that he was berating himself for some stupid reason she had yet to work out, it occurred to her that if she didn't escalate things between them now she wouldn't get this moment back with him. So, she took small steps toward him._

 _She stopped, her legs almost touching his knees. Her hand reached for him before she could stop herself and she stroked her fingers over his hair. He lowered his hands at her touch, tilting his head back to look up at her. There was a warning in his eyes, his expression taut with restraint and perhaps a little anger._

" _Can you look me in the eyes after what just happened and tell me you don't want me." Tris asked._

 _"Tris_ _ _."__ _His voice was thick as his eyes began to burn again._

 _Her breathing grew shallow. "We've always been honest with each other, right?"_

 _He gave a slight shake of his head. "I can't."_

" _Why?"_

" _I can't… I can't tell you I don't want you." His eyes studied her face before moving slowly down her body, and everywhere his gaze touched she came alive._

 _She'd never done much more than kiss a boy, not because she wasn't ready to explore sex, but because she didn't want to explore sex with anyone but Tobias. She'd heard her friend's crappy losing-their-virginity stories and she'd promised herself that the moment she let someone truly inside her, she'd make sure that someone was someone that she loved._

 _And Tris loved Tobias Eaton._

 _She'd d been in love with him since the day she fell into his arms._

 _Excited, thrilled, she forced bravery upon herself and reached for the hem of her dress. She pulled it up slowly, revealing her body to him bit by bit until it was up over her head. She shook her hair out and dropped the dress on his floor._

 _She stood there in front of him in nothing but cute turquoise underwear and a pair of heels. She'd never felt more vulnerable in her whole life._

 _And then he touched her. His fingers skimmed her belly and Tris felt a bolt of desire hit her between the legs as he caressed her skin. Suddenly he gripped her hips in both his large hands and she tottered toward him on her heels._

 _Their eyes met and the expression on his face made her feel more beautiful and desired than she'd ever known she could feel._

" _Look at you," he whispered hoarsely, almost reverently. "Look at you."_

 _"Tobias_ _ _…"__ _She reached out, cupping his face in her hand._

 _His eyes closed at her touch, his expression so tender she wanted to melt all over again. She sighed as he pulled her closer to press sweet kisses against her stomach. His kisses went lower, following the waistband of her underwear, and she shivered at the touch of his fingertips coasting along her lower back._

 _She braced her hands on his shoulders to steady herself._

 _Seconds later she felt a tug on her bra and it parted, falling down her arms. Heat suffused her. No one had seen her naked before._

 _One look into Tobias' eyes, though, and all embarrassment fled._

 _Tobias groaned, his eyes ravishing her, and she found herself guided toward him until she had to put her knees on the bed on either side of him to straddle him. Lowering her bottom to his lap, she felt his large erection through his jeans and a rush of overwhelming sexual awareness crashed over her. Her breasts swelled, her nipples tightened, and Tobias took it as an invitation._

 _His mouth wrapped around her nipple and the feeling… the tingles, the sudden urgency that made her rock her hips against his… She wanted more. She wanted so much more…_

 _She whimpered his name as she burned._

 _Tobias pulled back, his heavy-lidded gaze on her face, his strong arms holding her tight. "I shouldn't be doing this."_

 _Tris took his face in her hands and looked deep in his eyes. "Would you rather some other guy was?"_

 _And that was when she saw it. The dark flicker of anger, of possessiveness that had made him kiss her in the first place. Triumphant, she pressed her lips to his, moaning in pleasure as he kissed her back. Hard. Their tongues touched, sending sparks of growing arousal through her. The kiss turned searching – months, years even, of longing in it. They broke apart briefly, so she could yank his T-shirt over his head, her hands roaming and memorizing every hard contour of his beautiful torso._

 _Suddenly she was flipped, her back on the bed, and Tobias pulled away._

 _She stared up at him, panting, praying he wasn't going to stop this._

 _Her prayers were answered._

 _He towered over her, a fantasy come to life. His beautiful skin, the powerful shoulders, the abs that made her mouth water. She felt a flush of heat at the sight of the sexy definition in his hips and the way his hard-on strained against the zipper on his jeans._

 _There was an intensity in his blue eyes that made Tris shiver all over._

 _He reached for her foot, gently pulling her shoe off. And then the other one. His eyes followed the length of her legs as he stroked her calf. "I've thought about this," he admitted quietly. "A million times more than I ever should have."_

 _Before she could respond, he put a hand on the mattress by her knee and leaned over her, his other hand hooking into her underwear. His eyes asked the question and she nodded, lifting her hips to help him._

 _He tugged her underwear down her legs and then took a minute to simply look at her._

 _She felt her cheeks flush under his hot gaze._

 _"Tobias_ _ _…?"__

 _He pressed a kiss to her ankle and then nudged her legs apart. Her lower belly fluttered wildly, but she moved her legs, anticipation making her slick._

 _His breath fanned warmly over her skin as he crawled between her legs. He lifted one over his shoulder and kissed the inside of her thigh. Then he kissed her… there._

 _She arched her back, groaning at the sensation of his mouth on her sex, his tongue circling her clit for a time before moving south and licking inside her. Tris pushed up against him for more, her cries of pleasure drowned out by the party outside the little bubble of private heaven they'd created in the boathouse._

 _Tobias tormented her with his tongue, his own growl of pleasure vibrating through her in the most delicious way._

 _Tris felt it build, her body stiffening as the tension grew and grew and grew… and then shattered._

 _Her first orgasm._

 _Delight and a weird sense of liberation flowed through her limbs as they melted in relaxation against the mattress. She opened her eyes on a soft smile to watch Tobias divest himself of his jeans._

 _She froze at the sight of his erection._

 _It was huge._

 _How would that…?_

" _Ssh." He hushed her reassuringly, urgently, as he caressed her hip. He kissed her as his body came down over hers and she wrapped her arms around his back, pulling him closer._

 _Nothing had ever felt more perfect than feeling his hard body against her soft one. She wanted him inside of her. She wanted them to be one. In every way two people could be._

 _He touched her, two fingers sliding into her._

 _His breath hitched. "So ready. So tight." He groaned and buried his head against her neck, kissing her there._

 _Tris jerked her hips up toward his, suddenly feeling very impatient. "Tobias, please."_

 _He lifted his head and their eyes met._

 _There it was. That tether. That connection._

 _He moved, hips gliding against hers and she felt the hot throb of him nudge between her legs. She clutched his hips with her thighs, bracing herself. He surged forward, pushing into her tight, resisting body._

 _She tried to catch her breath at the overwhelming feeling of fullness._

 _Tobias gritted his teeth, grasping her by the back of the thigh. It changed his angle and he pushed harder._

 _She cried out at the burn of pain, her whole body tensing._

 _"Tris_ _ _,"__ _Tobias panted, his concern breaking through her shock._

 _Her eyes opened. He watched her, something like guilt on his face._

 _That buried the pain._

" _Don't stop," Tris begged, not wanting him to ever regret this._

 _He shook his head. "You're so tight."_

" _Keep going." She pulled his head down to kiss him, the kiss desperate and deep._

 _This hot, rumbling sound growled from the back of his throat as he began to move his hips against hers._

 _There was some residual pain, but the discomfort eased as all her awareness focused on the thrusts of his throbbing cock inside her. His grip on her thigh tightened, his lust-filled eyes on hers the whole time as he began to move faster, pumping in and out of her, creating the tension again._

" _I can't wait," he panted, shaking his head. "I'm sorry…" He gritted his teeth again, the muscles in his neck straining as his hips stilled against hers seconds before he shuddered his release inside of her._

 _Tobias collapsed against her, his face buried in her neck, and as she stroked his back she felt the wonder of that moment cascade over her, leaving her absolutely content._

 _Tris smiled, tears pricking her eyes. "I love you," She whispered._

 _The muscles in his back tensed._

 _Wariness moved through her chest, ugly and dark, and she waited, holding her breath._

 _He pushed up off of her, staring at her incredulously. "What the…" He scrambled off her as though she'd burned him. "We didn't. What…" He hurried to dress._

 _"Tobias_ _ _?"__ _Tris sat up, her lips trembling with vulnerability._

 _His eyes moved over her, and whatever he saw made him squeeze his own shut in despair. Despair!_

 _Her tears fell._

" _We shouldn't have."_

" _Tobias_ _."_

" _I shouldn't have." He yanked his T-shirt on and quickly stuffed his feet into his trainers. He looked back at her as he turned the lock on the door. "I'm sorry, Tris. God, I'm sorry."_

 _And then he left her there._

 _Crying, she stumbled around the room through blurred vision, pulling on her clothes before someone came in. Dressed, she stared back at the bed, her eyes zeroing in on the spot of blood on the blanket._

 _Despair? Despair in this moment was hers, not his._

 _She never saw him again. Not until a few hours ago at a bonfire._

 _Her first love. Her first time._

 _Her first heartbreak._

Back to the present.

The tears shimmered in her eyes, but she didn't let them loose. She'd shed all those tears years ago.

Tris thought more than anything that she was angry. Not just at what Tobias had done to her by leaving, but at what his reappearance was doing to her. She'd felt lost for a long time after he left. It had taken her a while to find her strength and independence again. It had meant hardening her heart and creating little locked doors in her soul so that only the people she trusted implicitly could ever make it inside to touch it.

Standing opposite him, staring into his handsome face and those eyes that seemed even more soulful than before, she was that sixteen-year-old girl again. Totally lost.

That pissed her off.

How dare he walk back into her life and make her feel that way? She wasn't that person. She was her own person and she knew who she was, she knew what she was about. Tris had family and friends and students and colleagues who knew and respected her.

This person, this aching, bruised, lost person…that wasn't the person they knew.

That enraged her.

* * *

Twisting and turning through the night, the anger eating away at her, she knew when she finally slid out of bed that Sunday that she couldn't face her friends. They'd take one look at her and know something was going on. Edward was already too suspicious. She called Christina and Will and let them know that she wasn't going to be able to make it.

She went right back to being pissed off at Tobias.

Tris stewed for a while, until her phone rang and jerked her out of her daze. With a sigh, she reached for it, not recognizing the number. Hoping it wasn't a salesman, not just for her sake but for theirs, she answered.

"Tris, it's me." Tobias' familiar voice hit her with the force of a cannonball.

Her whole body shuddered away from the phone in shock and she stared at it for a second, fury quickly building in her at his audacity.

She heard him say her name in question.

Putting the phone back to her ear, Tris snapped, "How did you get this number?"

"From Christina. Don't hold this against her, I just want to talk. I need a chance to explain."

Over the past few years she had imagined this moment, and every single time she hung up on him immediately or she walked away. In actuality she found herself hesitating because the reality was that he didn't sound like the boy she'd once known. It wasn't easy to describe, but even with her, someone whom he'd considered his best friend, he'd kept a guard up around his words all the time.

There wasn't a guard up now. She couldn't say how she knew. She just… felt it.

And it stunned her for a few seconds. A few seconds filled with curiosity and indecision.

But following those seconds were the memories of what she'd been through.

"Tris?"

"I don't want to hear it," She answered. "I'm over it."

Before Tobias could say another word, she hung up and switched her phone off.

"It looks like I need to get a new number," Tris said flippantly, but she wasn't fooling herself. Her hands shook and her heart pounded as she placed the phone back on her table.

She was thankful for the adult literacy course and for the book group she'd joined that gathered every Wednesday evening at St. Stephen's Center. If it kept her active and focused on anything but Tobias Eaton, it was a godsend.

She had her fourth-grade class the next afternoon, and they were definitely helping to keep her busy. It would seem that not all of them were happy to be reading the play Pygmalion by George Bernard Shaw.

Her kids at school, also distracted her, but not in a good way.

Little Andrew Carlton was a little spoiled brat and she was doing her best to ignore him and teach.

"Aw come on, man, what the fuck is this shit?" he grumbled, loud enough for Tris to hear him.

Before Tris could reprimand him, another student Lee got there. "Why don't you shut the fuck up, you bastard?"

"Lee!" Tris warned.

"What?" Lee grimaced at her. "He's being a dick."

"That doesn't mean you have to lower yourself to his level."

Andrew's chair thudded to the ground. "You calling me a dick, Miss?"

She gave him a lengthy stare in answer. Lee relaxed, chuckling in triumph at Andrew.

Andrew flushed, but fortunately the bell rang before she could receive his sure-to-be-disrespectful retort.

As the kids got up to leave, Tris called Lee over to her desk, something that seemed to be becoming a regular occurrence. He swaggered over to her with his cocky assuredness, grinning at her. "If you're going to yell at me, don't bother."

She raised her eyebrows at him. "Don't bother because you know you were in the wrong?"

He shrugged. "I just said what you wanted to say."

That was so terribly true it took everything in her not to give that fact away. "Lee, the point is that you're a bright kid, and a good kid, and you need to learn to stop retaliating against idiots who aren't worth it. Keep your lips sealed and walk away."

Tris opened her mouth to dismiss him just as a loud knock on her open classroom doorway drew their gazes.

She sucked in her breath, her body freezing in shock.

Filling the entire doorway was Tobias. He was wearing a dark fleece hoodie and dark jeans tucked into construction boots. Her eyes flew back up to his face, and she felt that painful wince in her chest at his handsomeness.

What the hell was he doing here?

Lee sensed the sudden tension. "You okay, Miss Prior?" His eyes swung to Tobias and instantly narrowed in suspicion.

Her heart racing, she turned to her student and attempted to sound calm as she replied, "I'm fine. I'll see you next class, Lee."

"I can stay," he said stubbornly.

Tris smiled at his protectiveness but shook her head. "I'll be fine."

He didn't seem convinced or too happy about leaving her with the large, brooding man in the doorway, but he gave her a chin lift in good-bye and strode across the room, his eyes holding Tobias' in warning despite the older man's size.

Tobias watched him leave, his gaze following him out of the classroom. When Lee was out of sight, he turned back to Tris with an amused look in his gorgeous eyes. "You've got a loyal one there."

No, no. There would be no pleasantries in this ambush. "What are you doing here?"

At her question, determination swept across his face and he walked into the room, somehow managing to fill the entire space with his more powerful than ever presence. She watched warily as he came to a stop a few feet from her. "Christina left my name with the secretary here, so I could get in. I was guessing that my only chance to see you would be in school."

Her pulse was literally throbbing, probably visibly in her neck, so she was glad she was wearing her hair loose. As determined as he was in his attempts to talk, she was equally determined to prove he didn't affect her anymore. Tris stuck her chin out stubbornly. "Why? I told you I'm not interested in anything you have to say."

He shrugged, jamming his hands in his jeans. "I think your attitude suggests otherwise."

She glowered. "What's that supposed to mean?"

If that was a lip twitch of amusement she was going to kill him. He waved two fingers in the direction of her forehead and its frown lines. "That does."

Time to change tactics. "Why the hell do you want to talk? You hate talking."

Tobias chuckled. "I'm not that guy anymore, Tris. I just want a chance to explain that. But also, to explain the past. And apologize for it."

There was a part of her that was desperate to give in, like she would have done when she was a kid, eager for his respect and affection. But she wasn't her anymore. He'd helped see to that. Tris leaned back against her desk and crossed her arms over her chest. "You're sorry?"

His eyes glittered with obvious remorse. "Of course."

"And you once did genuinely care about me?"

Something else entered his eyes, something more intense. His voice was deeper as he answered, "Yes."

"Okay. If that's true, you can prove it by turning around and walking out that door."

Displeasure replaced the intensity. "Tris —"

"Prove it," She insisted fiercely.

Tobias stared at her for a long moment, the muscle in his jaw working just like it used to when he was unhappy about something. To her surprise, her relief, and surprisingly her disappointment, he gave her a jerky nod and turned around. She watched him walk away, her throat dry with thirst and hunger and heartache.


	2. Chapter 2

**(A/N-Special thanks to Bekki for beta reading this. And special thanks to all who read, review, follow, fav this story. Appreciate it!)**

* * *

On Thursday evening after the adult literacy class, Tris did what she always did and went to her local gym. She didn't have time to work out as much as she had done when she was at college, but she always felt better if she got in at least two sessions a week.

She was on the treadmill, working her way up from a walk to a run, when in her peripheral vision she saw the large figure of a guy step onto the treadmill next to her. Her skin burned under his appraisal, but she ignored him.

However… her skin wouldn't stop burning because he wouldn't stop looking.

Annoyed, she chanced a scathing glance at him and nearly went flying backward off the treadmill when she realized it was Tobias.

He reached out to steady her, but she flung her hands out and caught the rails. Tris almost sighed in relief that he hadn't touched her. She quickly reduced the speed on the machine, drawing to a stop so she could turn a full-strength glare on him.

He stared back at her, not saying a word, while she tried to process what the hell was happening and the fact that he looked beyond amazing in his white T-shirt and track bottoms. He definitely visited the gym often.

But not her gym!

"What the hell are you doing here?" Tris hissed, smoothing strands of hair back into her ponytail, painfully aware of how gross she must look.

Tobias flashed her a boyish grin. "Working out."

Ignoring the flutterings caused by that grin, Tris narrowed her eyes and said through clenched teeth, "I've never seen you here before."

"That's because I've never been here before. I joined today."

"Why? And answer in full this time."

He grinned again, crossing his arms over his chest so his biceps flexed. Oh, mamma.

It was official. She hated him.

"Speak!" Tris snapped, trying to control her wandering eyes.

Chuckling, Tobias replied, "Christina told me this is your gym, so now it's my gym."

"You're stalking me?"

"I prefer to call it 'actively pursuing you.' I told you, I just want a chance to explain."

Shaking her head in disbelief, Tris asked, "Who are you?"

"I'm not the guy I used to be."

"Forget I asked, because I don't care!" she yelled, instantly regretting it when one of the trainers shot her a warning look. She didn't like the triumphant expression on Tobias' face. She was making it much too clear that he was affecting her. She sniffed haughtily and stepped off the treadmill. "I don't want an explanation and I don't care what gym you go to. I'm here to work out. You do as you please."

She wandered away from him, trying to remember if these were the shorts that made her arse look flat. She swore her butt cheeks flushed beneath the fabric at the thought of him checking her out.

Tris got on the cross trainer and attempted to put Tobias out of her mind. That wasn't so easy when he followed her and stepped up onto the cross trainer beside her. She did a valiant job of ignoring him… Ignoring him when he followed her like the stalker she'd accused him of being, around the gym so that they looked like they were working out together.

"If you want to do some weights I'll spot you." He grinned at her as she finished on the rowing machine.

Tris gave him a look of derision. "I'd rather have an elephant with a flatulence problem sit on my face."

Tobias choked on a burst of laughter, swallowing what she was sure had been a gust of amusement. Had he changed?

Hmm.

No! Not hmm. She did not give a rat's arse if he's changed!

"Descriptive," he answered, mirth in his light eyes. "You still writing?"

Tris crossed her arms over her chest, cocking her hip in attitude. "Actually, I am still writing. What do you think of my latest story? It's about this brooding, issue-riddled boy who slept with this naive girl. She told him she loved him, and it disgusted him so much he flew across an entire ocean to get away from her, leaving nothing behind but a broken-hearted girl."

All amusement fled from Tobias' face. He took an uncertain step toward her, lifting his hand as if he was going to touch her, comfort her.

Tris flinched, warding him off, all that pain and rage concealed beneath a false calm. She didn't know where she got the strength to find that calmness, but she thanked God for it. "Don't. I don't care if you've changed. I don't care who you are now. I don't need or want your explanations because what you did, you didn't do it to me, you did it to that girl you left behind. And I'm not her anymore. You made certain of that. She might have needed answers and an apology, but me… I don't know what you're talking about. You're just someone stalking me in my local gym."

With that she turned around and walked away from him, hoping he didn't see her legs trembling.

The first thing she did when she got to the locker room was to send a text to Christina, it pretty much warned her to stop giving Tobias her weekly schedule and permission to the receptionist at school to let him in. Or else.

Christina swore that she would. She told Tris that she was only trying to get two people back, who obviously cared about one another greatly. Tris told her to please stop interfering.

Even though she had time to visit the gym the following Monday, she didn't. She also hadn't received any more calls or surprise visits from Tobias, but she wasn't chancing the gym again. It didn't matter, though. He'd won. He was inside her head, just where she knew he wanted to be. She kept expecting him to appear everywhere, and she hated that she was at once relieved and disappointed whenever she got through the day without seeing him. It would seem her mind knew exactly what it wanted, but her body and her heart just wouldn't agree with it.

She was really looking forward to her book group because it was relaxing and interesting and a total escape from her real life. It was a group of eleven of them, but usually only eight or so ever turned up on the night. They were reading The Help and she knew the subject matter would make for some opinionated chat. It would take her mind off things for a while.

As she walked into the room, she heard her named called out. "Oh, Tris, come meet our newest member!" Anna called.

She glanced up from pulling her copy of The Help out of her bag to look across the room at Anna. Disbelief crashed over her.

Tobias towered over her, grinning at her.

"Oh, my God," Jen murmured, devouring Tobias with her eyes. "He's totally my latest book boyfriend."

Tris shot her a dirty look before getting slowly to her feet. She walked toward Anna and Tobias, wondering how to handle this new situation, and also wondering how the hell to stop the tingling between her legs at the way Tobias was looking at her.

She felt his eyes roam over her, lingering on her breasts, following the curve of her hips and skimming her legs, before traveling back up again. When their eyes met, his were filled with the kind of blatant heat she would have done anything for five years ago.

"Tris Prior this is Four Eaton," Anna said.

"Four?" Tris asked.

"Hello, Tris," Four said as he offered her his hand with a grin.

Damn him.

"So, Four… I didn't know you liked to read." Tris puckered her brow in fake confusion.

"Yeah." he nodded innocently. "I'm a big reader."

"Or a big liar," Tris muttered under her breath.

"Sorry, what was that?" Anna leaned in to hear her better.

Tris ignored her as politely as she could, her smile directed at Four. "It's nice to welcome you aboard. How did you find out about us?"

He chuckled. "Christina. Apparently, she doesn't do well with threats. Know anything about that?"

Of course. Tris should have known better – threat tactics would make her do the opposite of what she wanted her to do. "I don't know what you're talking about," Tris lied. "And I'm going to kill her."

They took their seats and Four sat next to Anna in the chair directly opposite Tris in the circle. All eyes were on him as Anna introduced him, and not just because he was new to the group, but because he stood out in so many ways. One, he was gorgeous; two, he was English; and three, he just had that special something about him that drew people to him, four he was gorgeous.

Four. What kind of name was that? Why the change?

Fuck! Why did she care?

She'd have thrown her book at him if it wouldn't have gotten her kicked out of the group. She even seriously contemplated it for a moment and by the silent laughter parting Tobias' lips he knew exactly what she was thinking about doing.

"Have you read The Help, Four?" Anna asked him, clearly enamored with him.

"Nope, can't say I have."

"Oh, that's okay. Just follow along with our discussion."

"Sure thing."

Sure thing. Tris made a childish face in mockery and his snort brought her gaze swinging back to collide with his. He was laughing at her. He found her amusing.

He was enjoying himself!

She attempted to join the discussion, attempted to say all the intelligent things she had to say about the book, but with his blue eyes boring into her the whole time, her brain wasn't cooperating.

Thirty minutes later, Jen was shooting her concerned looks and Anna was preening because she'd brought up most of the talking points this week. She turned to Tobias. "Is there anything you might like to add, now that you've heard a little something about the book?"

Tobias didn't disappoint. He looked straight at Tris and replied, "I think it sounds like a book about determination, about pursuing what's right, what feels right, despite the odds stacked against you or the possible fallout. It sounds like my kind of book."

Tris was frozen in that moment, looking at him as he looked back at her with all the determination he had mentioned. Her palms began to sweat, she couldn't hear over the rushing of blood in her ears, and she wondered where the hell she was supposed to go from there.

He was telling her he wasn't going to give up!

She had to believe him.

Tris was standing on the back of her patio, one evening and couldn't get Four's voice out of her head, those words he'd said to her so long ago. They had meant so much to her then because she knew that he wasn't the kind of guy who expressed his emotions well, and that day he'd let himself be vulnerable with her.

Despite everything that had happened, despite him leaving her and breaking her heart, despite his leaving causing the most devastating thing to happen to her, she couldn't stop those words from haunting her.

"You'll catch a cold." Edward said as he walked up behind her.

"I'm fine," she insisted. "You? I'm thinking not so much."

It was getting harder and harder to pretend with her friends and family that she wasn't in a mood. She'd spent the last week completely discombobulated, living inside her own head. She didn't know how she felt about Four's persistence and because no one else knew the whole story she didn't even have anyone to turn to. And in the end, that was her own fault.

"Tris, seriously." Edward's smile slipped, a deep frown line appearing between his brows. "You've been quiet all week and you're out here by yourself, looking like you have the weight of the entire world on your shoulders. I'm worried. Tell me what's going on."

Tris sighed, not wanting to piss him off with an obvious lie. "Do you remember Four from the bonfire?"

He nodded and waited for her to continue.

"I used to be in love with him."

Edward's eyebrows rose at that little bomb of information. "How did I not know this?"

"You and I weren't as close back then. We met and within a few days I was mad about him. He's older, so we were just friends. Sometimes I tutored him. But I always wanted more. We kissed when I was sixteen" – She diluted the information – "and just when I thought maybe he felt the same way about me, he went back to England. The bonfire was the first time I've seen him since then and… he told me he's been back for four years."

Her friend's eyes glimmered with sympathy. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I wish I'd known. I would never have left you alone that night."

"I needed to be alone," she reassured him.

"His reappearance is obviously messing with your head."

"No, actually he is."

Edward's face instantly darkened. "What does that mean?"

"It means he wants a chance to explain why he left the way he left, and he's been turning up everywhere I go in an attempt to get me to listen." Tris went on to tell him about the school, the gym, and the book club encounter.

His glower cleared. Now he just looked amused. "So, listen."

Tris jerked back in anger. "No. He doesn't deserve it."

"Tris, you were kids. If he's taking the time to pursue you, then he clearly feels bad and wants a second chance."

"He's had that chance for the last four years."

"Maybe he didn't know what to say."

"Whose side are you on?"

"Yours," he said with a laugh. "But, Christ, you're working yourself into knots over him when all it might take to give you a little closure is a better understanding of where his head was at. He's offering you that chance."

Tris gave him a low-lidded look of displeasure. "If I wanted a voice of reason I would have asked for it."

Edward chuckled. "I'm just saying, unless there's more to this than you're telling me, I think he deserves a chance to explain." Some dark suspicion suddenly entered his gaze. "There isn't more to this, is there?"

Tris shook her head with faux calm. "No… but he is the reason I made a stupid decision back then. So… there's that."

Understanding settled over Edward's features and he replied kindly, "You can't hold your own actions against him."

Feeling guilty for lying to Edward and angry at Four and herself for the predicament she found herself in with her family, she nodded glumly. There was no way she'd get the right advice without her friends and family having the full story, and she had no intention of rewriting the history she had given them with the truth. "Let's stop talking about me." She waved the subject away. "How's you? How's Elena?"

He made a face. "Elena and I ended it last night."

Her lips parted in surprise. "And you're only just telling me this?"

He shrugged. "There's not much to tell. We were out after work last night and we bumped into some of my friends from school and she started a catfight with one of the girls."

"Catfight?"

"Her jealousy is ridiculous. She has major trust issues. It was time to end it."

"We all have issues, Edward. Relationships aren't easy. Sometimes you have to work at it."

"Agreed. But I didn't want to work at it, so what does that tell you?"

"She's not the one for you."

"Exactly." He turned and opened the door. "Now that we've beat our relationship issues out for the day, let's get fed."

"You're sure you're okay?" Tris asked, following him inside.

"I'm fine," he promised. "I'm relieved, actually. Elena's problems were exhausting."

That night, Tris was reading, and she couldn't concentrate. She had been on the same page for the last hour. Knowing what she needed to do, she grabbed her phone and pressed the CALL button.

It rang three times before… "Tris?" Four answered, pleasant surprise in his deep voice.

"Hi," She replied quietly, willing her heart to slow. "I…"

His voice was filled with a concern she remembered all too well as he asked, "Are you okay?"

Tris exhaled slowly. "I've decided I do want to know why you left me that night."

He was quiet for a moment and she was just about to break the silence when he said, "I want to ask why the sudden change of heart, but I'm not going to in case I scare you off. I'm glad you called, but I'd rather discuss it in person. Would that be okay with you?"

"If I say no you're only going to turn up at my next dental appointment, right?"

He laughed quietly, a seriously delicious sound that made her scalp tingle. "Whatever it takes."

"I still can't believe you came to my book group," she muttered.

"It got you to call me, didn't it?"

"Tread carefully," she warned.

He chuckled. "Fine. I'll be good… if you invite me over to your place tomorrow night to talk."

Trepidation shot through her at the thought of them being alone in her flat. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Tris, what we have to discuss is personal. What I have to tell you is personal and I don't particularly feel comfortable with the stranger behind us in a café listening in."

She processed that, and unfortunately had to admit that he was right. She didn't want a stranger listening in on them either. "Fine," she grumbled, giving him her address. "Six o'clock."

"Does it include dinner?" he asked hopefully, a boyish cheekiness in the question that surprised her.

"We'll see." She hung up without saying good-bye.

She felt much too hot all over and suddenly restless as adrenaline pumped through her body. She hadn't felt this awake in a long, long time.

School was a blur. She was so preoccupied with the thought of Four being at her place that night that she didn't even know how she got through the lessons. Somehow, she made it, and with her stomach a jumpy, jittery mess, she hurried home after work and began preparing dinner. She didn't know what to cook because she didn't want Four to think she was trying to impress him, but she also didn't want to poison him with something he was allergic to.

She settled on pasta and salad. Surely you couldn't go wrong with pasta and salad. She had just finished when her door buzzer sounded, drawing her to a halt.

She was going to throw up. She was going to upchuck all over her nice hardwood floors.

"Deep breaths," She coached herself, turning back toward the door.

"Hello?" Tris asked.

"It's Four."

Yup, definitely going to upchuck. She pressed the entrance door key, letting him into the building.

With blood rushing in her ears, she attempted to prepare herself to see him again, and drew on her powers of indifference. Opening her door, she listened to his footsteps as he climbed the stairs to her flat.

She saw his head appear as he ascended the staircase and her stomach dropped. His eyes lifted from his feet to her face as he climbed higher, and he gave her a small smile in greeting. Damn it. Why did she have to be so attracted to him? Why did she have to have so many good memories of him?

His gaze drifted down her body and back up again. Pretending she didn't give a crap, she stepped back. "Come in."

He moved inside, making her feel tiny, and despite his defection, safe. "Did you get taller?" Tris grumbled, moving away from him and the attractive cologne he was wearing.

He shut the front door behind him and shook his head. "Not that I'm aware of."

As her eyes took him in, it occurred to her that it had nothing to do with his height. It was his muscles. She gulped at the sight of his biceps, nicely displayed in the form-fitting hooded Henley he was wearing. "This way," she almost wheezed, abruptly turning her back at the sight of his amusement.

He followed her into the sitting room, where she'd set the dining table at the back of the room. "Nice place." His eyes hit the piles of books that she had in nearly every corner, and he gave her that familiar half smile that made her feel things that she didn't want to feel. "You need bookshelves, though."

Ignoring that comment, she gestured to the table. "Take a seat. I'll get dinner."

Four raised an eyebrow. "You cooked after all?"

"Only because I'm hungry."

"Of course."

Pissed that she was doing a very shitty job of coming across as being unaffected by his presence, she marched out of the room and into her kitchen, where she clutched the edge of her countertop, taking in a deep breath.

"This looks great," Four said after she strode back into the sitting room to dump the food on the table.

"Beer?"

His lips quirked up at the corners and she could see the laughter dancing in his stunning eyes. "Sure."

She returned with the beer, slammed it down in front of him, and then shoved herself ungracefully into her seat opposite him. She gestured to the bowls. "Eat."

Not hiding his amusement any longer, Four grinned as he reached for the salad bowl. "You seem agitated."

"Well, I'm fine."

His look said he didn't believe her for a second. She took the salad bowl from him, dumping vegetables onto her plate as he scooped up some lasagna onto his own. They were silent as they served themselves and started eating.

She kept waiting on him to say something, anything. Finally, she'd had enough of his seemingly comfortable silence. "Four years?" She snapped, glaring at him.

Four contemplated her, appearing to memorize every inch of her face in a way that made her skin feel hot and tingly. He laid his fork down and sat back, twisting the cap off his beer with little effort. He took a sip, his eyes never leaving her. "Maybe we should start with the night at the boathouse."

Unexpected pain shot across her chest at the mention of that night. It stole her breath, that pain. Ever since she'd lost her virginity to him, the pain and humiliation of that night had really only ever belonged to her, because he hadn't been around to face afterward and no one else knew about it.

Discussing it with him for the first time made it feel like it had just happened.

She must not have been able to keep that pain out of her expression, because Four tensed, and something like regret flickered in his gaze.

He set the beer down, his entire focus on her. "I want you to know that being with you that night was one of the best nights of my life."

Tris froze at that shocking confession, only for anger to quickly unfreeze her. "Don't you dare try to sweet-talk me with bullshit and pretty words. I just want the truth, Four."

His features hardened. "That is the truth. You can be pissed off at me all you want, but don't question what I tell you tonight because I've never lied to you."

"For all I know."

"No, you do know. I've never lied to you, Tris. Not once."

"Well, if that night was so amazing how come you couldn't get out of there fast enough afterward? How come you left me lying there, feeling used and absolutely worthless?"

Looking pained by her questions, Four suddenly drew a hand down his face.

She waited.

"I hate myself for making you feel that way," he whispered. "I'm sorry."

Her heart was beating so hard against her chest it hurt. "Why, then?"

Understanding her question, he sat back in his chair, his jaw taut. "You were Tris. You were this great girl who made me laugh and looked at me like I was worth something, and every year you got more beautiful."

His words made her heart flip over in her chest.

"You were too good for me. I knew that the first time I walked you home. Pure class from the tips of your fingers to the tips of your toes. Not for me."

"I don't understand."

Four exhaled heavily. "I told you I didn't get along with dad. And what I meant was that I really didn't get along with him. From the moment my mother left, my dad made sure I thought I was a piece of scum, worthless. He told me I was nothing and that I would never amount to anything. He drilled that into me."

She couldn't help herself. Even after everything, she was hurt and angry on his behalf when he said those things. "He sounds like a bitter old bastard."

"He was the worst." He sighed, leaning forward again.

"That's why you left?"

"Yes, he was abusive towards my mother before she left and then me and I knew I couldn't do anything to stop it."

"I understand all that, Four. But that doesn't explain why you left me in that room after I gave you my virginity and told you I loved you. It doesn't explain why you never tried to look me up since coming back."

The sudden intensity in Four's gaze captured her. His voice sounded even rougher than usual as he replied, "I left you because I thought I didn't deserve to touch you. I felt like a selfish bastard for having sex with you because… I felt like I was nothing because he told me I was nothing, and scum like me didn't deserve to touch you, let alone take what you gave me. But I got so caught up in you and how much I wanted you I forgot all that… until you told me you loved me."

She felt cold, remembering the moment well.

"I didn't want you to love me, Tris, because I was terrified I'd hurt you, and, yeah, I know that sounds fucked up now since I hurt you by walking out on you, but at the time I thought I was doing you a favor."

"A favor?" Tris guffawed. "I thought I was in love with you. I let myself be vulnerable with you in every way I could, and you scrambled off me as if you couldn't bear to be near me. You broke my heart."

Four clasped his hands into a fist, resting his chin on them. "I know," he whispered back. "I've never regretted anything more in my life. It was fucked up and stupid and if I could take that moment back I would."

"All of it?" She found herself asking.

His eyes drifted to her lips and then back up to her eyes again. "No," he replied, his voice thick. "Just the part where I left you."

"If you feel that way, why didn't you come back to me when you returned?"

"Because I didn't feel that way then. Nothing magically changed when I left. I still felt worthless for a very long time."

"When did it change? Why?"

Four's gaze lowered, and he gave a tiny shake of his head. "I don't know. It was nothing. Everything. I grew up, I worked hard, and I began to find value in myself. Somewhere, bit by bit, day by day, I found self-worth. I found it by proving that bastard wrong."

"I'm glad you found that," She told him honestly. "But that still doesn't tell me why after that you didn't come find me."

"Because by then years had passed, Tris. I didn't know what to say and I didn't know if I could stand to have you look at me like I was nothing after it took me so long to feel about myself the way you used to look at me."

"Until the bonfire?"

"Until the bonfire," he agreed, heat entering his eyes now. "It was a shock to see you there, but seeing you again… God, I thought I knew how much I missed you until I saw you again. I know I came on strong trying to get you to talk to me, and I'm sorry if I freaked you out… but you didn't look at me like I was worthless at the bonfire. You looked pissed, but it wasn't this fucking awful thing I'd built up in my head. With that fear gone, I just really needed the chance to apologize and I was willing to do anything I could to get that chance."

Something inside her, something she wanted desperately to ignore, exalted at his confession. "And now that you've explained everything… what do you want from me?"

"Forgiveness," he answered sincerely. The sincerity quickly dissipated under the weight of the intensity that entered his expression. That look filled the whole room until she felt stifled by it. "And a second chance to get to know you."

With her body physically responding to him, she narrowed her eyes and fought to ignore that response. "In what way?"

"Not just as friends, if that's what you're thinking."

Tris jerked back in her seat at his blunt reply. "You're not even going to pretend to want to be just friends, so you can try a sneak attack for more?"

Four stared at her with serious determination. "I'm not going to hide that I want to get to know who you are now. I'm also not going to hide the fact that I think you're still the classiest, most fucking beautiful woman I've ever seen, or the fact that I remember the taste of you and it still makes me hard."

She couldn't breathe.

"Tris?" He frowned at her silence.

She reached for her beer and took a long swallow, trying to collect herself.

"Tris?"

Her eyes clashed with his. "What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to say 'Tobias, I forgive you and, yes, I want to get to know you again.'"

"I don't know if I can do that," She admitted. "And you're not Tobias to me now, you're Four."

For a minute she thought he wasn't going to say anything, but suddenly he stood up. She tilted her head back, watching warily as he strode around the table to tower over her. She sucked in her breath as he leaned down, his heat hitting her, his cologne wafting over her, and she couldn't suppress the shiver that cascaded down her spine when he pressed his warm lips to her cheek. Her eyes round with surprise, she gaped at him as he straightened and said, "I'll give you a couple of days to think about it."

She was sitting across from Edward, enjoying a coffee break with him.

She could feel his eyes burning into her.

Giving in to his silent question, she turned to meet his gaze.

He sipped his coffee and continued to stare at her without saying anything.

"What?" She shrugged before biting into her sandwich.

"As grateful as I am for you bringing me lunch, I am wondering if I should count on silence from you from now on?"

Swallowing her food, she rolled her eyes. "What, we can't just sit in comfortable silence?"

"You didn't come here to sit in comfortable silence." Edward relaxed into his seat. "So talk."

"But that would make me the whiniest best friend on the planet."

"I'll take whiny over mute."

Tris snorted, and turned slightly to face him. "You know exactly what I'm going to say."

"Hmm." He crossed his arms over his chest with a mock pensive look on his face. "Is it Four in the drawing room with the candlestick?"

"Har-de-har-har." She made a face at him.

Edward grinned unrepentantly.

"I had dinner with Four a week ago."

Her friend's eyebrows rose. "And I'm just hearing about this now?"

"Well, I've been taking some time, going over and over everything he said. He wants a second chance. At everything."

"Everything as in… a relationship, not just friendship?"

"Yes."

"Did he explain why he left?"

"It's complicated, but short story he was in an abusive household and had to get out."

"So why the change of heart now?"

"He's changed, Edward. He's not the guy he was back then, and he says he misses me."

It was Edward's turn to sigh. "I'm just going to say to you what I said before. Everyone deserves a second chance. It's not like what he did was so awful. He left without saying good-bye, but you weren't together. I think you're making this more complicated than it is."

They bloody well had sex!

Tris frowned. "We were friends, and he knew I cared about him."

"And he explained his reasons. You may not like them, but that's the way it is sometimes. We all do stupid things. Four is trying to make up for his mistakes. He's been pulling out all the stops to see you. Surely that counts for something."

Yes – she wanted it to count for something.

She needed it to count for something.

"I just don't want to get hurt again."

Edward surprised her with a warm smile as he placed his hand on top of hers. "Then just try the whole friends thing first. It's not like anyone is forcing you to offer him more than that."

"Tris."

She shivered involuntarily at the rich sound of Four's voice in her ear. Her hand tightened around her phone. "Hi."

"I'm glad you called. I was beginning to think I'd need to go to Plan B."

"Plan B?"

"Much like Plan A but with increased work hours."

Tris smiled despite herself. "Well, no need. Your stalking days are over."

"That sounds like good news." He practically purred it, and her eyelashes fluttered closed before she could stop them.

Damn him!

"Just as friends!" She found herself blurting out.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm willing to try to be friends again."

He was silent a moment.

"Four?"

"Friends," he finally answered. "But with the hope of becoming more."

The butterflies were back in her belly. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no."

"Fine. Friends will do for now."

"Four —"

"You can't take it back. We're friends. We're officially spending time together."

Tris sighed, willing the crazy fluttering inside her to die down. "How does next weekend sound?"

He hesitated. "I can't do next weekend, I'm sorry. How about this Tuesday, after work, for drinks? I swapped shifts with a colleague. He's doing my Wednesday shift if I do tomorrow for him."

"That's good for you. You can have a drink and not have to worry about work the next day. However, a weeknight doesn't really work for me."

"Oh, come on, it's not like you're surrounded by heavy machinery. We'll have one drink. Or are you too old to go out on a weeknight?" he teased.

She grimaced. "You're such a child. Fine, Tuesday night. One drink."

Walking into the bar on Tavern Street on Tuesday evening, she almost tripped over her own feet at the expression on Four's face when he saw her.

He stood up from the small booth he was sitting at, his eyes moving from her face, slowly down her body and back up again. The funny thing was there was nothing much to see except for her legs ending in a pair of fur-trimmed ankle boots. She was wearing her favorite green military-style winter coat with fur-trim cuffs. It fitted her body well, but it wasn't exactly sexy.

Four's gaze made her feel sexy.

Damn him.

When she reached him, he surprised her by bending slightly to press a kiss to her cheek. Her cheek was rosy and cold from the freezing wind outside, but as soon as his lips touched her skin a blaze of heat radiated out from the spot. She must have looked befuddled because he seemed amused and pleased with himself.

Self-consciously she shrugged out of her coat, glad she was wearing a conservative navy wool dress underneath. However, she might as well have been wearing a nightdress for how hot she felt in close quarters with him.

Sliding into the booth beside him, her whole body hyper-aware of his, she knew she had to at least be honest with herself: She had never stopped being attracted to Four and she'd once been in love with him. Despite the complicated past between them, despite the truths she was withholding, she knew that she could never just be friends with him on the inside whenever she was around Four.

She'd missed it.

"How are you?" Tris gave him a small, hopefully platonic smile.

"I'm good." His gaze was intense on her, his eyes deliberately trying to hook hers.

For the first time ever with him, she felt shy. She glanced away quickly, searching the bar.

"Can I get you a drink?" he asked.

"Sure. I'll have a glass of red wine, please."

As soon as he slid out of the booth her breathing steadied.

Her eyes followed him as he strode up to the quiet bar, powerful, graceful. He wore a dark blue knit sweater with a shawl collar and a pair of dark blue jeans. He was effortlessly stylish and comfortable with himself in a way he hadn't been when they were at school.

Momentarily sidetracked from her study of him, she picked up on the lust aimed at Four emanating from the other end of the bar. Two women sat on barstools, speaking quietly to each other as they watched him with hungry eyes and come-hither smiles.

Four wasn't even paying attention.

She relaxed somewhat at his utter lack of interest, jealousy slowly seeping out of her.

Yup. Definitely not just friends.

Damn him.

"So," he said as he slipped back into the booth beside her, putting her wineglass gently down in front of her as he lightly gripped his pint of lager, "How was work?"

Small talk. Yes, she could do small talk.

She opened her mouth to speak but was immediately distracted by the arm he slid along the back of the booth they were sitting in.

What the hell did he just ask?

Work! Right, work. "Good." She took a quick sip of her wine, hoping the alcohol would help her relax a little. "It's busy and stressful, but I love teaching."

"And you were always good at it."

Not wanting to take another trip down memory lane so soon after their last one, she shrugged and then smiled coaxingly into his handsome face. "You seem to be doing well. Zeke speaks highly of you. Says you'll be a site manager one day."

"That's the goal. You work hard, you learn, you get there."

Tris smiled softly. "You say you've changed, but you had that attitude when we were kids. You took those classes when you didn't need to. You were always challenging yourself to be better." Except when it came to her.

"Not always," he replied pointedly, as if he'd just read her mind. "In that way I've changed. I go after what I want now, no matter what."

She looked away before they ventured into dangerous topics.

"And your parents? How are they?"

"They're well."

Four tensed suddenly. "And Edward?"

Tris glanced up at him in confusion. "Edward?"

"The guy you were at the bonfire with." Four shrugged. "Christina told me who he was."

"You certainly did your homework," Tris murmured, taking another sip of wine. "Edward is my friend Heather's older brother. He's my best friend. He's… been there for me…when I really needed him."

Four frowned at her answer, not seeming to like it much. "But you're not together."

"No, it's not like that between us." Tris put her glass down, her gaze on the table. "Maybe we should steer clear of relationship talk."

"That's fine with me." He tilted his head to the side, eyeing her through his narrowed gaze. "Is the Princess Bride still your favorite movie?"

Tris laughed at the randomness of the question, relieved by the subject change. "You remember that?"

"Of course."

Tris shook her head. "I don't know what my favorite movie is anymore."

"We'll need to do something about that."

"I don't know. I quite like not having an exact favorite. Is the Untouchables still yours?"

"Nah, that movie The Godfather. Now that is a fucking movie."

"I don't think I've seen it."

He smiled and even before he said the words Tris knew she'd just fallen right into his agenda. "Thursday night, your place, me, you and The Godfather."

Tris opened her mouth to shoot him down, but stalled when she saw the glimmer in his eyes. He was expecting her to say no, and it suddenly occurred to her that her refusal might reinforce the idea that she was scared of spending time with him. And he could only assume that her fear of spending time with him stemmed from her attraction to him.

She jutted her chin out defiantly. "It'll need to be later on in the evening. I teach an adult literacy class on Thursday after school."

Four chuckled. "I know that. And there's no need to sound so excited about spending time with me, by the way."

"Spending time with you doing what?" a familiar voice asked.

Tris whipped her head around, tilting it back to stare up at Molly. She hadn't seen her since their last night out together, but she wasn't surprised to bump into her out on the town on a work night.

She raised an eyebrow. "Hi, stranger." Her eyes moved quickly to Four and lit up. "So, who's this then?"

"Molly." Tris hurried to think of something to get her to leave. She was the last person she wanted around Four. She had no filter whatsoever. "Uh… aren't you with someone?"

"Date." She jerked her head in the direction of the bar and Tris saw another man watching them. Her gaze was still fixed on Four as she leaned across the table, deliberately showing off as much of her cleavage as possible. Holding out a hand for him to shake, she said in a faux husky voice, "I'm Molly."

Four quickly shook her proffered hand. "Four Eaton. I'm an old friend of Tris'."

Tris stiffened as Molly froze at the name.

"Eaton? Not Tobias Eaton?" Molly asked.

"That's right," Four answered.

Right then Tris cursed their nights at college together, especially the night that they got rip-roaring drunk and Molly asked Tris if she was a virgin because she hadn't slept with any boys at college yet. Drunk and overly emotional she told her about her night with Four and how she never wanted to let herself be vulnerable with the wrong guy again.

Molly's gaze swung back to her, surprise in her pretty eyes. "No fucking way."

"Molly." Tris pleaded silently for her to shut the hell up.

She shot Four a dirty look. "You've got a lot to answer for. My girl has so many issues because of you."

Floor, open up and swallow her. Please.

"Molly," Tris leaned forward, her voice thick. "Now's not —"

"No, he should know." Her eyes widened. "Oh, my God, is he the reason you've been such a complete and utter boring bitch lately?"

"Watch it," Four growled, and Molly and Tris both snapped to attention as if they'd been bitten by the crack of a whip. Four's eyes had darkened. She could feel the irritation vibrating from him. "We're in the middle of a private conversation. You should leave."

"I'll speak with you later, Molly."

She made a small harrumph sound, then turned sharply on her heels and marched toward her date, grabbing his arm and hauling him out of the bar.

"She's a friend?" Four asked quietly, incredulously.

"We met at college. I grew up. She didn't."

He pushed his half-empty pint absentmindedly away from him. "Issues?"

Tris shrugged. "I honestly don't know what she's talking about."

"Christina told me she didn't think there was a guy in your life and that you haven't spoken about any from the past. Maybe that's what she was talking about?"

Her blood was suddenly hot with anger. She took a moment to calm. The last thing she wanted him to believe was that he'd done such a number on her that she hadn't been able to move on. She hadn't been with anyone else by choice.

Sort of.

Tris exhaled slowly. "No guy at the moment."

He appeared to relax at her reply.

Tris stared at him, letting her eyes connect with his and she felt the power of her attraction to him take hold. He was beautiful in a masculine way, sexy, charismatic. There had to have been many women in his life these last five years. The thought depressed her. "I'm guessing with the way you've been with me these last few weeks that there's no one special in your life at the moment, right?"

Still holding her gaze, Four's lips turned up at the corner and she realized that she wanted to kiss them right there on that seductive spot. "There's someone. I just have to convince her of that."

Yup. Definitely wanted to kiss him.

Tris narrowed her eyes on him, doing unimpressed convincingly. "I thought I told you we're just friends."

His eyes dropped to her mouth in a way that made her squirm. "I heard you." His heated gaze returned to meet hers. "But I don't think you heard me."

That Thursday evening Four did come over to her flat with takeout and the film The Godfather and they did sit and watch the film together and it was brilliant, and Four's company was fantastic, and Tris was already weakening in her resolve to keep him at arm's length.

Breathe, Tris.

That following Saturday Tris went to her friend's house. And she'd pretty much been ambushed with questions about Four as soon as she walked in the door.

"I'm guessing you're on Team Four?" Tris asked Christina who had come over as well.

"I think we all are." Christina handed her a cup of tea. "We haven't heard you talking about a guy like this since… well, since Four. That's got to mean something."

"He's been back in my life three weeks. I can't just give it to him."

"No one is saying you have to," Heather assured her. "But at least admit to us that you're considering it."

"Am I?" Tris argued. "Does my weakening of resolve mean that I'm considering it? No. It means I'm horny."

"Well, at least he could knock the cobwebs off." Christina said.

"Seriously," Tris continued, "I've worn out, like, three vibrators."

"I've already admitted to myself I would. But I'd be plagued with doubt every step of the way, so… it would be doomed from the start." Tris admitted.

"You don't know that," Angela replied quietly. "You'll never know that until you take the chance. I've seen the two of you together, the sex appeal between them is like nothing you have ever seen. You need love, Tris. You should take the chance with him."

"At least make him earn it, hold out and see if he's still chasing after you," Christina said.

From the expression on her friend's faces Tris could tell they agreed with one another. But still the doubts remained in her mind.

Hours later, unmarked essays were piled on her coffee table while she sat on the floor beside her stack of marked ones. Every now and then she'd reach for her cooling mug of coffee and glance over at Four, who was stretched out on her couch, dozing.

Dark and cold outside, it was warm inside her flat as the fire crackled in her grate. She couldn't believe it was almost December. It had been a crazy few weeks. A crazy few weeks of hanging around Four. A lot.

After thinking over Christina's advice Tris decided that holding out on Four longer was the only way she'd know for certain if he was genuinely interested in her and not just in sleeping with her again. Her gut told her that wasn't the type of person he was. Not with her anyway, but that nagging doubt, that memory of him leaving her alone on that fateful night, held her back from believing in him all the way.

Only time would tell.

The following Monday he turned up at her door after work, carrying a bag of groceries and film rentals. He quickly set himself up in her kitchen and she watched in bemusement as he threw together homemade meatballs and spaghetti.

They had fun that night, keeping it friendly, although Fiyr couldn't help himself – he tried to flirt a little despite her lack of any outward response. He called her on his lunch break that week, he texted her a lot, and tried to tempt her to meet him for drinks on the Friday. It was a busy week, so she told him that she had too much work to do. Not to be rebuffed, he asked her what she was doing that weekend and she explained that she was going Christmas shopping.

To her utter surprise, Four invited himself along.

That Saturday they met at the Train Station and boarded together. For fifty minutes they sat across from each other and barely said a word. He caught her studying him, and he smiled at her scrutiny. "What?"

"You've changed, but you haven't."

There was recognition, an understanding, in his eyes that told her he knew what she meant. "You too."

"We always had this, though. Being able to just be quiet and not have it feel awkward. Not needing to feel like we had to fill the silence. I have that with Edward, but… I mean, he's like a brother, so… but other guys, we've never had…" Tris trailed off, realizing she was perhaps giving him more than she'd meant to.

Tris looked over at him when he didn't reply, and tensed at the sudden stillness around him.

He leaned toward her. "I know I asked if there had been anyone special in your life but, honestly, Tris, I don't want to hear about other guys." His jaw hardened and he looked out of the window.

That pissed her off. She was definitely not impressed with his display of alpha man possessiveness. But not wanting to have a fight in public, she stayed quiet, slowly allowing the burn of anger to dissipate. After ten minutes of now awkward silence, she replied quietly, "You and I are just friends." And if he continued to be a possessive idiot, that's the way they'd remain.

Four looked at her sharply. "But you know I want more," he answered. "So, you also must understand why I don't want to hear shit about other guys you've been with. Guys that got all that I've wanted since I fucked it all up."

The weight of their history, of their feelings and confusion, wrapped around her with a sense of longing then, and she felt fearful. Of them. Without thinking, she whispered, "Maybe we shouldn't hang out anymore."

"You can handle it," he said stonily, his tone brooking no argument.

Tris forced herself to meet his hard gaze. "But can you?"

"As long as you don't talk about the guys that have had you in their bed, or Edward too much, then, yeah, I can handle it."

She narrowed her eyes. "Edward's my best friend."

He ducked his head, bringing them closer. "I'm your best friend," he answered roughly. "You've just forgotten. My fault, I know. I can help you remember."

Honestly, she didn't know how to reply to that. It made her ache so much for what they had been and for what she was terrified to have again with him.


	3. Chapter 3

_**(A/N-Special thanks to all who read, review, follow, fav this story. Appreciate it so much.)**_

* * *

And just like that, the ache was back, but this time the burn of it was almost sweet.

They had lunch, the air lightening between them. They joked and talked and then wandered back out into the crowds for more shopping. That night Four finagled his way into her flat. Tris fell asleep watching a movie and when she stirred it was because Four was carrying her into her bedroom. He gently eased her into bed and she fell asleep with the touch of his lips on her forehead.

The next morning, she woke up to find him asleep on her couch and when she asked him why he had stayed instead of going home to his bed, he said he slept easier knowing that she was safe. That morning she made him breakfast. She made him breakfast with a tiny fraction of her resolve much weaker than it had been the day before. Tris thought when he left that day that he wasn't coming back, but he did; he returned with materials he'd ordered for her. She canceled Sunday lunch at her mother's to watch Four build bookshelves in her sitting room. Her resolve weakened even more.

That following week they were both exceptionally busy with work, but Four found time to call her every other night. As promised, she didn't see him that weekend, as he had made other plans.

While he was gone, Tris realized something slightly terrifying.

She missed him.

Missed him deep-in-her-bones-missed-him.

It was a relief to see him at her door that Monday night after his disappearance. He broke his silent vow to give her as much physical space as possible by stepping into her flat and enveloping her in a hug that she felt in every inch of her body. He kissed her cheek, reluctantly pulling away from her. Tris was glad for the thick sweater that she wore because the combination of his cologne, his heat, his strong arms around her and his hard chest brushing against her soft one, all mixing in with the fact that she was giddy to see him, made her body physically react to his hug.

Attempting to shrug off her sexual attraction to him, she made dinner for them as if everything was perfectly normal.

Three times that week Four turned up at her flat for dinner. One night Caleb had come over and seeing Four, had asked to have dinner with them at their parent's home that coming Sunday. Of course, Four said yes.

To her increasing shock her whole family took to him. Tris didn't know whether to be happy or devastated. She knew her mum and her friends thought he was fantastic – they pulled her into the kitchen to go on and on about his sense of humor, his easy, quiet way with the kids, the way he listened to everything Tris said as if it was the most important thing he'd ever heard… and of course they teased her mercilessly about how great-looking he was.

As if Four didn't know that already!

The guys' reaction to Four was possibly worse, because they were always so hard to please when it came to the boyfriends of their female relatives. They seemed to like Four's quiet confidence, respected his careful answers, and enjoyed his dry humor.

Tris was fucked.

Even Edward liked him, and Four was definitely much more reserved with Edward than with the others. Caleb liked him as well, even the elusive Uriah, who had just got back in town, struck it up with him.

The only person who was somewhat aloof was her dad. He was generally a lot more laid-back than the other men in her life, and his reaction would have taken her aback if it weren't for the fact that her Dad was the only one who knew the truth. Tris watched as he studied Four, and she knew him well enough to know that he was trying to gauge whether Four was worthy of that second chance he'd advised she should give him.

The only really awkward moment during the visit was after lunch when Caleb's daughter came to stand beside Four's armchair. She tilted her head to the side, inspecting him curiously as Four smiled back at her in amusement. And then everyone heard her ask loudly, "Are you Auntie Tris' boyfriend?"

Tris wanted a black hole to suddenly open up in the middle of the sitting room and swallow her whole.

Worse, Four's reply was, "Nope. She won't let me be."

Gracie had immediately turned her cute look of consternation on Tris. "That's really rude, Auntie Tris."

And that was so adorably funny even she laughed through the blazing heat in her cheeks.

A little while later Caleb and Susan got up to make coffee and tea and Tris ignored Four's gaze, as she shot out of the sitting room after them into the kitchen. "What the hell are you all playing at?" Tris asked quietly. "What happened to Edward's and Uriah's overprotectiveness? What happened to all of your overprotectiveness?"

Caleb shrugged. "We like Four. He seems like a solid guy."

Tris didn't even know what to say to that.

Susan added. "Tris, we all just appreciate how much effort he's putting in with you. We want you to be happy. It's obvious to everyone you two are more than friends. I mean, we've hardly seen you for three weeks and when we do all you talk about is what you and Four have been up to."

"Friends, my ass," Caleb grunted, stirring sugar into someone's coffee. "The sexual tension between you two is off the charts." His grin turned smug. "Reminds me of me and a certain someone."

"I thought I could at least rely on my family to help keep things platonic between me and Four. But you're practically spoon-feeding me to him."

Caleb snorted, a long, drawn-out, sarcastic snort. "Be serious, Tris. You spend nearly every waking moment with him. If anyone is helping him with you, sweetheart, it's you."

Gazing at him sleeping on her couch, Tris was overwhelmed with her feelings for him. Feelings deep in her gut, throbbing in her chest, and tingling at the ends of her fingertips. The past week, after Sunday lunch, she'd seen Four once for dinner, but work had kept them busy.

So… they hadn't seen each other for a few days. The whole missing-him thing had gotten worse. That's why when she opened her door that night and saw him there she was flooded by her emotions. Tris told him that she had essays to mark but that didn't deter him. They ate dinner and then Four camped out on her couch and let her get on with her work.

Her resolve had weakened.

She could feel it.

He just had to push her and…

Tris dropped her gaze from his handsome, sleeping face and resolutely attempted to concentrate on her work. As she graded Lee's she wished there was more she could do to help Lee see his self-worth.

"What's wrong?"

Tris lifted her head from her work at Four's rough voice and question. His eyes were open, his low-lidded gaze affecting her emotionally as well as physically.

That rush of tenderness she felt clearly translated in her returning gaze because Four suddenly grew more alert.

Resolve weakened further. Just one push…

Her heart was pounding hard, but she tried for nonchalance, tapping her pen casually against the papers in her hand. "I've got this kid in my fourth-year class. Lee." She set the essay aside with the others. "He reminds me of you."

"Yeah?" Four slowly sat up, his elbows resting on his knees as he leaned toward her. "You must have a soft spot for him then."

Tris laughed. "So sure of yourself these days."

Four didn't answer; instead, his eyes darkened, glittering in the low light as he lowered himself onto the floor. The thundering heart banging away in her chest sped up even more and she unconsciously licked her lips as he moved toward her.

Her breathing grew shallow, her mind screaming Stop him! while her body happily gave in as he nudged her legs apart, putting himself between them, and moving his torso into hers so she was forced to lean back on her hands to create space between them. Four wasn't having any of that. Instead he leaned farther into her as her head tilted back, one hand flat on the ground at her hip, the other sending the hair on the back of her neck up as he cupped her face.

"I know you still care." His words whispered across her lips, his mouth almost touching hers. She shivered, her breath stuttering. "And, babe," he continued, "I don't think I can pretend any longer that I don't think about being inside you nearly every hour of every day."

His words were almost the equivalent of his mouth between her legs.

Tris wanted him.

Four took her silence as acquiescence.

His thumb stroked her cheek in tenderness, his eyes dropping to her mouth.

Breathless, she waited.

His head dipped, crossing the minute distance between their lips, and her eyes fluttered closed at the brush of his mouth over hers. Her lips tingled, and she sighed, excited for more.

His kiss continued in gentle seduction, a touch of lips against lips, the pressure increasing in increments as her skin grew hotter and hotter.

She'd never been kissed like this. No guy had ever taken such sweet time with her, as if needing to sample every last inch of her mouth. Every time she thought he was going to deepen the kiss, he pulled back, dusting butterfly touches against the corner of her mouth or nibbling on her lower lip.

The tingling was delicious. "Only yours," Tris pulled back a little to say softly, sounding almost desolate and wondering if in amongst the lust there wasn't some truth to that tone.

Four watched her as if he were trying to read her. Tenderly, he tucked her hair behind her ear. "Only mine what, Tris?"

"Your kiss. My lips tingle when you kiss me." Tris smiled sadly. "Real, honest-to-God tingling. No one else has ever made me feel that."

A dark triumph entered Four's eyes. "Good," he answered gruffly, before lowering his mouth to recapture hers.

Her breathing grew steadily more and more out of control as he returned to torturing her with slow, seductive kisses. She longed for him to touch his tongue to hers, so she could taste him. She remembered the taste of him. There was nothing quite like it. She needed that back.

Pushing up off the floor, she reached for him, her hands gripping his shoulders when the sudden movement pressed their mouths harder against each other. Tris moaned in need and Four crushed her to him, his other hand in her hair holding her to him as she opened her mouth against his. Her lower belly dipped as his tongue moved against hers, as his heat and taste filled hers.

Yes.

This is what she's been missing.

"Put your legs around my waist," Four ordered, his voice thick with need.

Tris immediately did as he asked, her arms encircling his shoulders as he held her fast and stood with ease. She gasped at the feel of his hard-on, their eyes locking and creating imaginary sparks of molten embers at the collision. Four carried her, their breaths mingling as they panted in anticipation.

She was barely aware of moving through the flat until he was lowering her onto the soft duvet on her bed, his body sliding over hers.

He held himself up, his hands braced at either side of her head. "No turning back," he murmured.

Pushing his shirt up, feeling his hot, smooth muscle under her hands, Tris shivered with excitement. "No turning back," She agreed, completely taken over by the sexual promise in his eyes.

Four tugged his shirt up over his head and tossed it somewhere behind her.

"Oh, my God," Tris whispered before she could stop herself, immediately reaching for him, needing to touch all that glorious skin. He was powerfully built, sculpted. The tattoo she had noticed around his neck, she could see it more on his shoulders, but it wasn't until he turned for a second that she saw it covered his back basically. "You're beautiful."

The words were almost muffled because Four was peeling her own sweater off her, throwing it in the same direction as his own. "No, but you are," he answered quietly, his hands skimming up her waist to cup her breasts over her bra.

She arched her back, pushing them into his hands.

Four gladly accepted her offer.

He kissed her, deep and hard, as he deftly unclipped her bra at the back.

Her hands traced every inch of his chest while they kissed, reluctantly letting go when he gently pushed her back on the bed and slipped her bra straps down her arms.

The bra disappeared.

Four's gaze drifted from her face to her naked breasts and the heat in them made her breasts swell, her nipples tightening. She felt that roller-coaster dip in her lower belly and knew that if he slipped his hand between her legs he'd find her wet and ready for him.

He touched her, cupping her breasts again, squeezing them gently, thumbs rubbing over her nipples as he learned the shape of her again. His breathing had grown heavier and she could feel the hard press of him through his jeans.

She arched again, silently asking for his mouth.

He didn't deny her.

Tris sighed at the gentle brush of his lips against first her right breast and then her left. He tormented her, kissing near her nipples. And just when she thought she'd have to beg out loud, he licked her right nipple before closing his mouth around it and sucking it.

A larger ripple moved through her belly and she cried out softly, throwing her head back against her pillow. Four lavished attention on both nipples until they were swollen, until she was desperate for him. He pressed a sweet kiss to the outer curve of her breast and sat up.

Tris swore to God she almost came just at the sight of him straddling her with that dark hunger in his eyes – a hunger that would make any woman in the world feel combustible.

Their eyes locked, with thick, heady silence between them. Four hooked his hands into the waistband of her leggings and underwear and he tugged. She lifted her lower body, giving him better access, and he raised her legs to peel the garments off. Once he'd divested her of them, slowly, gently, caressing her calves and outer thighs, he lowered her legs, spreading them as he did so. She'd never felt so exposed, or, to her surprise, so turned on as she felt with him looking at her.

With jerky movements, his jaw taut with dwindling control, Four unsnapped his belt buckle and drew down the zip on his jeans. Every inch of her was on fire, her inner thighs were trembling, and she couldn't control her breathing as her inexperienced body screamed for his much more experienced one.

He pushed his jeans and boxer briefs down and she was faced with his huge, raging, throbbing hard-on. He was perfectly in proportion to his size but… she found herself tensing, her back stiffening against the bed.

Four removed his jeans, pushing them to the side before moving into her, nudging her legs even farther apart as he lowered his torso over hers. He kissed her gently, trailing his fingertips up her outer thigh in a way that caused renewed shivers and her body to relax a little.

"I'm checked out," he whispered against her mouth. "I'm guessing you are too. You on the pill or do we need a condom?"

Tris hesitated, thrown by the question.

"Tris?" He nibbled her earlobe as his hand continued up over her belly until it found its destination at her breast. He squeezed it, his thumb rubbing her swollen nipple. She found her eyes fluttering closed.

"I'm on the pill," She whispered back in a daze, coming out of it only when his hand disappeared from her breast and found a new, even better location between her legs.

Her hips jerked at the first touch of his thumb on her clit, and he made deep, soothing noises from the back of his throat. And then he was kissing her, wet and drugging kisses as he played with her clit. She touched him too, caressing his shoulders, his back, his abs, strumming at his nipples in a way that made him growl into her mouth and press hard on her clit.

When he slipped two fingers inside her, she broke the kiss, moaning as her neck arched.

"Baby…" He peppered kisses along her jaw as he thrust his fingers in and out. "God, babe, you're soaked."

She made whimpering sounds, her eyes fluttering open to meet his.

"You want me?" he murmured darkly against her mouth.

She nodded, jerking her hips against his fingers, needing more.

"Say it, Tris."

Mindless, she dug her fingers into his back, urging him closer, the sound of her panting filling the room. "I need you," She admitted breathlessly. "I want you inside me."

Just like that, she watched his control snap.

His fingers slipped out of her, he gripped her thigh as he braced his other hand at the side of her head. Looking deeply into her eyes, he moved. She felt him hot and hard against her center and then suddenly there was pressure as he pushed inside.

Tris stiffened, the feeling not quite as uncomfortable as she remembered it from the first time.

Four wasn't even all the way inside her when something new entered his eyes, an incredulous question. His jaw clenched with control, he slowed to a stop. "Love…?"

Tris shook her head, not understanding what was wrong.

"Love…" He dipped his head closer, his hand cupping her face. "You're tight as a virgin," he whispered hoarsely.

Oh, no. No, no, no!

Tris swallowed hard, the arousal slowly dissipating as reality intruded. "It's just been a while." She pushed absentmindedly at his shoulders.

Four's answer to that was to thrust deeper into her. She gripped his shoulders instead, her hips jerking up for more.

"How long is a while?" he asked, the muscle in his jaw flexing with tension.

She sought for a plausible lie. "Freshman year in college," She panted. "I've been busy since then."

Four stilled. "You've not had a man in four years?"

Five, actually.

Tris shook her head again.

He suddenly shuttered his expression, so she couldn't read his reaction. And then she didn't care about reading him because he pushed all the way inside her before pulling back and then slowly thrusting in again.

The discomfort melted away as her inner muscles clamped around his cock. "Oh, God, Four!" She tried to pull him in deeper.

"Yes!" He thrust a little harder and she cried out his name again.

He made love to her. With his body and his heart. Their eyes stayed connected as he glided in and out of her slowly.

"Come for me, babe," he growled, taking hold of one of her hands and pinning it to the bed while his other hand gripped her thigh harder. "Tris, I need you to come."

The feeling inside of her was building upward in a spiral, coiling tighter and tighter until her whole body tensed over a precipice.

"Yes." Four thrust harder. "Come for me."

His cock moved inside her a few more times, desperate to light the match… and then it did.

It sparked, the tension inside of her exploding, an orgasm unlike any she'd ever had before flowing through her. She thought her eyes even rolled back in her head as she cried out.

She shuddered against Four, opening her eyes to watch as he stiffened, his neck arched, his teeth gritted, and his eyes fierce as his own climax rolled through him.

He jerked against her several times, his hold on her almost painful as he came. He collapsed on her. His body still shuddered as he buried his head in her neck. Her muscles were warm and languid and for a few glorious seconds she just lay there enjoying the aftermath of the most amazing orgasm she'd ever experienced, and exulting at the feel of Four's warm, hard body covering hers.

Those seconds quickly passed, however.

When he raised his head, his features relaxed, and his eyes filled with affection, a dark, heavy feeling began to sneak into her gut. He kissed her softly and she kissed him back, but…

He pulled gently out of her and rolled off her. The feeling in her gut grew bigger as he got out of bed. Her eyes took in his long, muscled back, zeroing in on a line of raised skin on the left side of his lower back. A scar. It was almost not visible with the tattoo.

A new feeling of unease met the one that was already growing inside her. She watched as his magnificent body, bite-worthy arse and all, crossed the room and disappeared into the hall.

A few seconds later he returned, completely at ease with his nakedness. Wishing she could believe in the softness in his eyes as he looked at her, she watched on, a little perplexed, as he crawled back into bed with her. And then he pressed a wet washcloth between her legs.

Surprised by the sweet gesture, she bit her lip to keep herself from saying anything as he took care of her. Afterwards he disappeared for a few seconds again, returning to draw down the covers that were under her, so he could put them over her. He slipped into bed, lying on his back, and his arm came around her. Without saying a word, he pulled her into his side and she rested her head on his chest, her heart racing again.

"I don't know if this changes anything."

Four replied on a huff of laughter, "Of course it does."

For some reason she wanted to cry. She didn't understand herself at all. "I should be lying here feeling happy, but… I'm not."

The air in the room grew chilled. Four sat up, turning so he could look her in the eye. She could tell by the hardening of his jaw that he was more than a little pissed off by her reaction to them having sex. "What the hell does that mean?"

Tris went for honesty. Well… sort of. "I have this sinking feeling about us." She looked away. "I haven't told you everything, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to."

She felt the press of his fingers against her chin and he slowly turned her head, so she had to meet his blazing gaze. "You will, eventually," he said with a certainty she just couldn't feel. "I haven't told you everything either, but we'll get there. And that feeling… I'll make that go away. I'll make that go away by proving to you that I'm not going away. I'm here, Tris. And I want to be here."

She wanted to argue further, she wanted to run far away before everything between them imploded and left her devastated. But when he kissed her, pushing her back against the pillows, determined to make love to her all over again, she understood that there was a much bigger part of her that had nothing to do with her brain and everything to do with her emotions, and it wanted this here with him even more.

Tris was at Edward's that next night, she was just relaxing when her phone vibrated. She pulled it out of her purse, that unease back in her stomach when she saw it was Four.

He'd called her five times and she'd ignored every single one. She'd also ignored the text message he'd sent. Instead of going home, where she was sure he'd only ambush her and force her to work out her feelings before she was ready, she'd gotten the bus to Edward's apartment. It was a small place that he shared with a roommate.

Her phone vibrated again and she studiously ignored it, reaching for her drink.

"Are you not going to answer that?" Edward asked as he returned to the room.

She shook her head.

"Okay." Edward eyed her carefully. "We've barely hung out in weeks, which is fine because you seem to be making progress with Four. But now you're here, after work, avoiding phone calls. What's up with that? Is it him?"

"You don't want to know."

She felt Edward's scrutiny intensify. He sighed, putting his mug down on the chipped coffee table. "You slept with him."

Her lips parted at his perceptive deduction. "Annoying."

"So, you slept with him. It was that bad you're ignoring him… like the mature adult you are?"

"It wasn't bad, not at all." She muttered, feeling her cheeks blaze at just the memory of it.

"Ach, I don't want to hear that." Edward's face scrunched up like he'd just popped a sour apple candy into his mouth.

"I didn't say anything."

He waved his hand. "Forget the details. Why are you avoiding him?"

"I'm just trying to figure things out."

"And what is there to figure out? I thought you were giving him a second chance?"

"Am I?" Her brows drew together.

Edward smiled kindly. "Tris, you let him back in."

She nodded, knowing that was true and that, yes, she was preparing herself to give him a second chance but… "I just have this feeling. I can't get past it. It's this feeling in my gut that this time I'm going to get crushed to the point I can't get back up again."

Her best friend exhaled heavily. "You want to know what I think?"

"Always."

"I think that feeling in your gut… that's just the past talking."

She'd spent the last five weeks watching him infiltrate her life, pursuing her, spending time with her. Yet somehow, she still couldn't get Four the boy out of her head, and Four the boy would have broodingly shrugged off her avoidance of the past day and waited for her to come to him.

To her ever-increasing confusion, relief flowed through her to see him sitting on the steps at the front entrance to her building as she returned from Edward's. He was wearing a warm jacket, but it was freezing outside and he didn't have a hat on or a scarf. Guilt immediately needled her.

Edward was right. Avoiding Four today had been immature. And here he was waiting on her in this cold weather.

Was he telling the truth? Was he really not going anywhere?

"I'm buying you a scarf." Tris sighed, coming to a stop in front of him.

He lifted his head, his hands dangling between his knees, and her muscles locked at the expression on his face.

"Pissed off" didn't even cover it.

She waited for him to say something, to yell, to question her childish behavior, but instead he stood up and turned his back on her. Her mouth dropped open with more confusion, and she watched as he took the last few steps up the front stoop and waited.

Realizing that he was waiting for her to let him in, she hurried up the steps and passed him, her hands shaking a little as she unlocked the door. She felt his intimidating presence behind her as she attempted not to rush up the stairs to her flat as if a debt collector was on her heels.

Once inside, Four wasted no time. "So, this morning" – his fucked-off tone made her stiffen as she slipped her coat off, "that kiss you gave me… it was bullshit?"

He was referring to the fact that she'd pulled him back for a deeper kiss, reluctant to let him go. The thing was, when he was right there in front of her, the unease she felt was harder to hold on to. By the time he was gone, and she was getting ready for work, she'd let that unease win.

"I'm just confused," Tris answered honestly.

"That's your answer?" He threw his jacket on her armchair and prowled toward her. "I've had the worst fucking day and that's your answer?"

Unwilling to be intimidated when she was just trying to be truthful, she refused to back up, even when he stopped so close she had to tilt her head back to look up at him. "It's the truth," She snapped.

"So, you're confused. That gives you the right to treat me like shit?"

The guilt was back. "No." Without even thinking, she brushed her fingertips over his chest, a gesture of reassurance. "I'm sorry for today. It wasn't fair. I'm just… confused."

For a moment she wasn't sure how he was going to react.

Then slowly the tension seemed to ease from him despite the hardness that remained in his eyes. He put his hand over hers that was still on his chest. "I don't ever want a repeat of today. We got problems, we talk. You don't leave me standing out in the cold like a fucking idiot."

"Were you always this bossy?"

A dangerous glint entered his eyes. "Oh, love, you haven't seen bossy."

She let out a gasp of surprise as he pushed her against the arm of the sofa so she had no choice but to sit on it, and he shoved her skirt up to her waist in one rapid, smooth movement.

She clung to the sofa, feeling a heady mixture of apprehension and excitement as he roughly yanked her underwear down her legs. He pushed in between her legs, gripping her nape with one hand and tugging at his zipper with the other.

His kiss was hard, desperate, and that plus the torturous press of his throbbing cock against her sex was too much. He rubbed against her, stole her out of herself with his erotic kisses, and teased her until her skin was inflamed.

By the time her mouth was swollen from his kisses, she felt his fingers slip inside her, testing her readiness. He practically growled in satisfaction before he removed his fingers and thrust his cock inside her.

She cried out in pleasured pain, holding on to Four for dear life as he gripped her hips and rode her on the arm of her couch. It wasn't like before. It wasn't slow and deep and driven by longing. This was driven by frustration, confusion, desperation, and lust. It was ragged. It was intense. And she was so hot for him she came fast and she came hard.

Coming down from her climax, Tris felt her inner muscles spasm as Four growled, "Fuck, Tris. Fuck, feels so good," before groaning as he came inside her.

Panting for breath, feeling somewhat bewildered by how different and yet exciting that had been, she waited for Four to make the next move.

His next move was to kiss her slowly, sweetly, and pull back to ask in belated concern, "You okay? I wasn't —"

She covered his mouth with her hand, stroking his cheek, smirking in satisfaction. "I might have to piss you off more often."

He rewarded her humor with a sinful grin. "My baby likes it hard."

"I like you," Tris whispered, feeling that ache in her chest expand.

He brushed his knuckles along her jaw, tenderness burning in his eyes now. "Does that mean you're going to give this a real shot? No more avoiding us?"

She thought about him sitting out on her front stoop in the winter cold.

"Yes." She slid her arms around his neck, pulling him close. "This is me officially giving us a shot."


	4. Chapter 4

_**(A/N-Thanks to Bekki for beta reading this. And thanks to all who read, review, follow and fav this.)**_

* * *

The next week with Four was exhilarating in its simple beauty. He spent every night at her place, including the weekend, and they made love. Sometimes it was sweet and sometimes it was wild, and every time it was mind-blowing. When they weren't going at it like teenagers who'd just discovered the power of sex, they hung out like always. It was addictive. He was addictive. Tris felt so content that she was scared of it.

He surprised her at work one day, her heart jumped at the sight of him standing in her doorway, she frowned. "What are you doing here?" Her eyes ran the length of him. He was wearing his work clothes. She tried to ignore the fact that she found him sexy like this.

He pulled a wrapped sandwich out of the bag and placed it on the desk in front of her. A bottle of water followed it. "You sounded stressed this morning." Grabbing a chair, he put it opposite her desk and sat down, pulling another sandwich out of the paper bag. "I just wanted to make sure you ate something." A pucker appeared between his brows. "You've lost weight recently."

Touched by his thoughtfulness, she smiled as she picked up the sandwich. "The weight loss is because of all the sex. Someone hasn't left me alone for the past week and a half."

He grunted. "Like you're complaining."

"FYI, I got my period this morning, so no sex for us for the next few days."

"Got it," Four said as he kissed her before leaving.

****PAGEBREAK****

After her work day, she returned to the flat to find Four waiting for her. He cooked dinner. She read a book while he watched a movie. And when it was time for bed, they fell asleep on their sides, her legs tangled in his as he held her tight.

A few days later, Edward was at Tris' and they were sharing a pizza, "Okay, on to a much more interesting subject. Four: the high school fantasy come to life."

Tris laughed. "He's definitely a fantasy."

"As long as he's treating you good." Edward said.

"Oh, yes. Definitely." Tris said with a wink.

"Not like that ass from the past who hurt you so much."

"Edward." Tris warned.

"I just hate-" Edward started.

"I love that you care, you know that. But I got this," Tris said.

To her delight and surprise, that Sunday afternoon Four turned up at her door. It thrilled her even more when he took her ice skating. Something she hadn't done since she was a kid.

"Come on." Tris said.

"There's no way I'm putting my feet on ice."

"You won't. You'll put skates on ice."

"There's no way I'm putting my feet in rented skates."

Tris stopped, probably annoying everyone who had to walk around them to continue down the pathway. "Please," she pleaded.

He stared at her, completely unmoved.

"Chicken." Tris said.

"Really?"

Tris huffed, laughing half in amusement and half in annoyance as she pushed against his chest. "Come on. I want to skate with you. We'll be like a perfect, romantic Christmas card."

Fifteen minutes later…

"Tris, I don't think you should do that," Four warned, crossing his arms over his chest as she showed off.

For someone who was as big as he was and who hadn't skated much, Four had great balance. He hadn't fallen on his arse once, although he'd stuck to the outer edges of the rink in hopes that she'd let him disembark soon.

His warning came too late, caught up in skating she slammed into someone, knocking them down, and causing in the process 4 others to be knocked down as well. Four was at her side in an instant, helping her up. Tris looked at the other person, and quickly made sure they were ok, which they were. As Four was helping her off the rink, Tris caught him smirking.

"Don't say a word."

"Oh, I wouldn't dream of it."

Tris punched him playfully. "You keep up the teasing, you're not getting your Christmas present." She'd bought him a Blu-ray player since he'd said he didn't have one and she knew how much he loved movies.

Four looked down at her, pulling her in closer to his side. "You'll still get yours."

Her eyes lit up. "You got me a present?"

"Of course."

"I like presents."

His gaze turned deeply affectionate. "Duly noted."

Warmth pulsed through her at the expression on his face. Tris held on tighter to him. "I kind of like you. You know that, right?"

His answer was to stop them in the middle of the crowds again and kiss her like there was no one else around.

After a lengthy, heated embrace, she pulled back to grin up at him. "You're really cool."

He grinned back. "Good thing one of us is."

She narrowed her eyes. "You have two hours to get the skating incident out of your system, and then no more."

"I object. Two hours isn't long enough."

"It's plenty long enough."

"The length of teasing should be in proportion to the magnitude of the incident. Love, you just took out five people simultaneously on an ice rink. I'd say that's at least the first five years of our lives together. One year per person."

Tris wanted to argue with the math, but she knew if their roles were reversed she'd be taking the absolute piss out of him for it for years to come. "Fine," she grumbled. "Five years."

He hugged her to his side and started leading her up the hill again. "You do realize you just committed yourself to me for at least five years."

That sneaky little… She gave him a look of reluctant admiration. "Nicely played, Eaton. Nicely played."

****PAGEBREAK****

For the last few weeks, she'd taken to waking just before Four's alarm was set to go off. Mostly, she would just cuddle in closer to him and close her eyes again. However, that morning she woke up to discover that they were tangled in each other as they lay on their sides, her outer thigh resting over his, her lower body pressed into him.

Four might be asleep, but his body was aware of the close proximity of its manly bits to her womanly bits. With his hard-on pushing against her belly, she felt a delicious tingle between her legs that woke her up entirely. Trailing her hands up his naked back, she delighted in the feel of him. She lowered her head and started kissing her way down his chest.

Suddenly his arms tightened around her, and he pushed them until she was flat on her back and he was braced over her. He looked down at her through sleepy eyes. "First your snoring keeps me awake and now you're trying to make me late?" His voice was even more gravelly than usual. So unbelievably sexy she wanted to touch herself as she listened to him talk.

She squirmed under him until she had her legs wrapped lightly around his hips. "I'm trying to make up for the snoring with sex, but if you're not interested…," she teased, moving to drop her legs.

"That's not a gun pressing against you, love."

Tris grinned cheekily and shook her head. "No, that's your cock."

Four grinned back. "You just like saying that word, don't you?"

Tris nodded as he lowered his head to press kisses to her neck. "Cock." His kisses turned to love bites and she giggled. "Cock, cock, cock."

Growling, Four rolled them, so he was on his back and she was astride him. He looked up at her, his beautiful blue eyes as awake as his hard-on now. His hands flexed on her hips as the sexual heat in his eyes ignited. "Ride me, Tris," he ordered gruffly.

Tris purred, lifting herself over him until she felt the tip of him at her entrance. She grew wet at just the promise of him. "Just because you asked so nicely…"

****PAGEBREAK****

Four had decided he wanted them to get away for the weekend. He said they needed to talk. He drove them to a cabin by the lake, once there he was out of the car and hurrying around to the passenger side to open her door. Her feet had just touched the driveway when he grabbed her hand and tugged her gently over to the front door. Bending down, he unearthed a key from beneath a ceramic tortoise and let them inside.

Heat hit them and she followed Four in a daze as he led her out of a small foyer into a hallway and then to the right. Her eyes grew round with surprise as she took in the large sitting room. Antique furniture cluttered the space, but in elegant coziness. There were dark plum velvet sofas in the French style, a mahogany tea chest, and a huge crockery display cabinet with china plates. But best of all was the roaring fire in the massive fireplace on the main wall. Shadows danced around the darkening room as the flames from the fire licked out at them.

Her gaze dropped to the chenille blanket that had been placed in front of the fire. On it were a hamper, a bottle of wine, and a red rose.

Four squeezed her hand. "You once told me this would be your perfect date."

Slowly, she turned to look at him in amazement. She had thought of this scene where he takes her to this tiny cottage on his land, away from everything and everyone. They sit in front of a roaring fire, drinking and eating, sometimes talking, sometimes not. It was like there was no one else in the world but them…

"You remembered that?" Tris asked, her voice choked with emotion.

His head bent toward her, his lips brushing hers. "I remember everything."

"I can't believe you did all this." She moved into him, wrapping her arms around him.

"I had a little help from the housekeeper, Melanie. She's a bit of a romantic, it would seem."

Tris laughed softly. "As are you, it would seem."

He cradled her face in his hands, his thumb sweeping along her jaw before coming to a rest on her plump lower lip. "Only with you."

She closed her eyes, soaking up the feel of him holding her, the sound of the fire, the heat of it against her skin, and in that moment she was reminded of the girl she used to be, the reluctant romantic who still believed there was something really special out there for her.

"I can never get enough of you," Four murmured, pressing soft kisses down her neck and across her naked shoulder.

Caressing his back, she made a contented purring sound in the back of her throat. Her whole body was warm and languid after the two orgasms he'd just given her.

"I'll be back." He pressed one last kiss to the rise of her breast and then moved off her.

She pouted. "Where are you going?"

He didn't answer. Instead he disappeared from the sitting room and then returned a few seconds later with a washcloth.

She bit her lip and spread her legs.

A predatory look flashed in Four's eyes as he sat back down on the blanket in front of the fire to press the washcloth between her legs. "You keep that up and you won't be able to walk out of here tomorrow."

"I'm not doing anything," Tris whispered, smiling innocently at him.

He shook his head, his eyes never leaving hers. "You are so dangerous."

"Me?" She grinned mischievously as she pushed herself up and slid toward him, lifting her right leg over his knees so she could wrap both legs around his waist. He immediately put his arms around her and hauled her up so she was crushed against him. "I've never been dangerous in my life."

"You're dangerous to me."

She pressed closer, her hands coasting down his muscled back. "I like being dangerous to you."

His answer was to kiss her thoroughly and then bury his head in the crook of her neck, hugging her tight, almost like he needed her to ease something in him.

Her chest tightened with emotion as she sensed that Four was feeling overwhelmed somehow. To soothe him she stroked his back, relaxed in his hold.

But then she brushed her fingers across the scar on the lower left-hand side of his back and without even meaning to she tensed. Four felt it and pulled away to look her in the eye.

"It was your dad wasn't it?"

Four didn't answer.

"I want to know what he did to you."

"Why? It's done."

"Because…" She shrugged helplessly. "I want to make it better somehow."

His face softened. "You already do. You always have. I'm sitting here with you naked and you've got your gorgeous body wrapped around me. Nothing better than that. And nothing can make that turn to shit."

"So if nothing can make it turn to shit, tell me. Now is the best time to tell me," she said to encourage him.

He sighed. "Fine. I was eleven. I broke curfew. I talked back to him. So he made me take off my shirt, shoved me face-first onto the kitchen table, and took his belt to me. He messed up – let his anger get the better of him – and the belt unfolded and cut a gash open on my back. He didn't take me to the hospital because it would ask questions."

She pushed into him, closer, as close as she could get, her lips brushing his. "I hate him," she whispered hoarsely, feeling the burn of tears in her eyes. "I hate him so much."

"Ssh, baby." He kissed her lightly, rubbing his hands up and down her spine. "Don't. I've let it all go."

She nodded, but the tears escaped anyway, and she wrapped her arms around him, burying her face against his neck.

"It was all worth it to get this at the end of it," he murmured.

She was overwhelmed by her need to make everything better for him – wishing she'd been there back then, to take his pain away. From here on out, she wanted to make it so he never felt that way again, so that he always felt loved.

Yes, loved.

Because she did, she realized.

She'd fallen deeply in love again with Four Eaton.

She pulled away from him, throwing him a tight smile in response to his questioning frown. "I feel like I need a shower. I'll be back in a bit." She was gone before he could say a word.

Stripping out of her clothes quickly, she jumped in the hot shower and leaned her forehead against the cool tiles. She tried breathing in and out slowly to ease her anxiety. It wasn't long before the shower door opened behind her, but she didn't turn around. She felt his heat all around her as Four stepped inside. She lifted her head from the tiles, her back immediately hitting his chest.

His hands drifted lightly up the curve of her waist, fingertips trailing a featherlight path over her ribs, until he was cupping her breasts in his palms. She sighed, resting her head on his shoulder, arching into his touch. His thumbs brushed over her pebbled nipples and her lower belly rippled with arousal.

Without saying a word, Four played her body, touching her, caressing her, kneading her. As she panted for breath, he slipped his hand between her legs and pushed his fingers inside her. She leaned her hands on the tiles in front of her and rode his fingers.

She groaned in desperation.

Suddenly Four's fingers were gone, her hips were gripped hard in his hands, and his cock was gliding into her. She cried out at the fullness of him inside her and reared back into his gentle thrusts. He cupped her right breast again, pressing her back into him as he squeezed it while his other hand moved between her legs. His fingers slid over her clit, back and forth, as he continued to fuck her in slow, tormenting thrusts.

She rested the back of her head on his chest, her hands on his hips behind her, desperate for satisfaction. He pushed her toward it, until her whole body stiffened. Four felt it and started pumping harder, faster. The tension inside her broke apart, the orgasm quivering through her whole body as her eyes fluttered closed in absolute bliss.

She melted against Four and he held her tighter, his breath hot on her skin, his grunts and pants increasing as he chased his own climax. And then suddenly she felt his teeth on her shoulder as his body tightened a few seconds before his hips jerked hard with release.

He pressed her against the tiles, his body shuddering as he came inside of her.

"Fuck," he breathed, caressing her bottom.

She shivered, her heart still racing in her chest.

That had been intense.

And apparently Four wasn't done with intense.

He pulled out of her slowly, but she didn't even have time to regret the loss of him before he spun her around to face him. She stared up at him to find his expression fierce. His grip on her shoulders was uncompromising. "When we were kids, I was in love with you."

Surprise, gratification, relief, sheer joy… it all moved through her as her eyes widened at his abrupt confession.

"That never went away, Tris." He rested his forehead against her. "And now that I know you again, I'm even more in love with you."

Oh, shit. her throat closed up. She knew, she just knew, she couldn't say it back yet.

"Ssh," he murmured, feeling her tension. He kissed her gently. "I can wait for you to say it. I just wanted you to know how I feel. Nothing will change that." His eyes searched hers. "Whatever that was out there, stop. I don't want you to be sore about our past anymore. It's done. We can't take it back. But we have now. And now is good."

Too emotional to form words, she just nodded and wrapped her arms around him. She rested her head on his chest, near his heart, and let him hold her as the warm water cascaded over them.

****PAGEBREAK****

The next morning, Tris sighed regretfully as she tidied away all evidence of their visit to the cottage. When Four came in from putting their bags in the car and saw the uncharacteristic pout on her lips, he cracked a smile. "Back to reality."

She wrinkled her nose. "Do we have to?"

His smile disappeared. "We have a lot to talk about when we get back."

Her stomach flip-flopped. "Why don't we talk about it now?"

"I'd rather we talk about it back home. It's a pretty big deal."

Awhile later Tris got out of the car, grabbed her bag, and ducked her head back in the passenger door, everything she wasn't quite ready to say but definitely felt shining in her eyes. "Thank you for a beautiful weekend."

His mouth kicked up at the corner. "It's not over yet, Tris."

She reluctantly shut the door on that rather thrilling comment and hurried into her building out of the cold. As much as she loved her flat, she really did miss the cottage already. Pottering around the flat, putting on the heat, tidying up the mess she'd left in her bedroom after Four had dropped the surprise getaway on her, she couldn't ignore the kaleidoscope of butterflies in her stomach.

She had barely begun unpacking when her phone went off. Assuming it was the text message from Four, she was more than a little surprised to see Christina's name on the screen. she swiped it, opening her message.

 _Don't shoot the messenger. I was at the Market last weekend and saw this. I thought it through and finally decided you needed to see it._

Tris opened it up, and her heart stopped upon seeing the attachment. The photo captured Four by one of the market stalls. He was carrying a little boy and smiling at a pretty brunette who was laughing up into his face.

The little boy… he had Four's coloring… Four's dimples…

The phone slipped from her hand and she felt her knees wobble.

Suddenly she was on the carpet, attempting not to throw up at the implications of the photograph. Her heart was racing too hard. She couldn't breathe properly. Suddenly everything began to make sense and she knew, she just knew, what Four was returning home to tell her. She forwarded the picture to him so he'd know she knew too.

Christina just texted this to me.

It felt like forever as she waited on the floor for an answer, but it was only a minute or two at most before her phone rang. She clicked the ANSWER button.

"Tris" – Four sounded out of breath – "I can explain. I'll be ten minutes."

"Four —"

She heard the click as he hung up. She managed to gather some of her wits about her and stood up from the floor. The buzzer went off.

In a daze, she let Four into the building, opened her door for him, and returned to the sitting room. She frowned at the mess she was supposed to be tidying up.

"Tris."

She whirled around to face him as he strode into the room, his eyes glittering, his face flushed. He was coming straight for her. "Don't." She held up her hands to stop him. He froze. "Explain first."

She watched the muscle tick in his jaw. "I was going to tell you."

"Tell me what?"

He cursed under his breath, rubbing a hand over his hair. "That I have a son."


	5. Chapter 5

_**(A/N-Special thanks to Bekki for beta reading this. Also thanks to all who read, review, follow and fav this.)**_

* * *

The words hung heavy in the cold air. She closed eyes against the truth.

"His name is Matthew. The woman in the picture is Melissa, his mom. I was at the market with them last weekend along with Melissa's fiancé."

"You have a son?" Tris opened her eyes, sure the pain of that truth was blazing clear for him to see. "That's what today's talk was supposed to be about?"

Four' features were strained as he nodded. "He's three."

She did the calculations in her head and they took her breath away. "When you…" She was starting to shake. "When you came back you… you knocked someone up?"

He took a placating step toward her, as though she were a wounded, abandoned dog, unpredictable but needing comfort. "Tris, Melissa and I were friends at school. Sort of. We hung around with the same people. I was back a couple of months and I was still trying to sort my head out about everything, and a friend invited me to a party. I thought loosening up might help. I got really drunk. Melissa was there and she was wasted too. We hooked up." He said it gruffly, like he felt guilty about it. "She got pregnant. We didn't want to be together, but I'd never leave my kid."

He was saying it all. Explaining the situation. She heard it. She knew she did. But the past was so much louder than his explanation.

"I get Matthew every other weekend and we alternate holidays, but his mom, me, and her fiancé, Cooper, are pretty tight. We have a good relationship, which is great for Matthew." Despite her distraction she saw a happiness in his eyes she'd never seen before. "Tris, he saved me. You want to know why I got over all the shit my dad dealt me? Matthew. Everything changed when he came along. I have someone who needs me to have faith in myself so that he can grow up and have faith in himself. But also, I need to have faith in myself so that he has faith in me that I'll always be there for him." He gave her that half smile of his she loved. "Kid thinks I'm a goddamn superhero… but he's the one that saved me. He's the reason I wanted another chance with you. He made me feel like maybe I could deserve you."

Tris knew that was a good thing. She knew that.

But that feeling of happiness for him, that relief for him she knew was in her somewhere, was buried under a mountain of irrational fury.

"Tris, baby, please say something. I'm sorry I kept this under wraps, but I wanted to give us a chance first. I thought if I told you right away it would scare you off, and I needed the chance to remind you how right we are for each other. I knew after last weekend that you and I are solid, so I was going to tell you today and then introduce you to Matthew next weekend. Melissa already knows about you, but I needed to be sure about us before Matthew meets you. I'm sure, babe. You know that. But I had to be sure that you loved me back, that this was serious, and that we definitely have a future."

It was the most he had said in one breath since the first night he'd come to her flat. Something like panic flickered in his eyes. Beautiful eyes. Eyes she loved.

Eyes she wanted – no, needed – gone.

She searched for a semblance of numbness to get her through the next five minutes.

"Tris —"

"I don't want kids," She said dully, holding on to the numb sensation.

Four blinked in confusion. "What?"

She took a step toward him, trying to herd him out of her home. "I don't want kids. Ever."

He narrowed his eyes. "You're a schoolteacher."

"So?" She shrugged, her expression carefully blank. "I don't want kids. Mine or anyone else's."

"Tris, just take a minute. We need to talk about this. This is us."

Looking him directly in the eye, she replied with calm and authority, "As of right now there is no us." The calm slipped somewhat. "You should have told me you had a son."

Suddenly her shoulder were gripped in his hands, his body brushing hers, his face close. "Why are you acting like this? This isn't you."

She wrenched out of his hold, her face twisted in anger. "You don't know me." She shoved him, stumbling away from him. "Obviously."

"I can't believe this." His voice lowered to a growl. "You're not even going to discuss this? Just… we're over? After everything? After spending the best few weeks in the history of weeks, you're seriously showing me the door without talking it through?"

"This isn't a little thing, Four." The self-control was slipping already, her voice climbing higher on every word. "You kept a son from me. A son! And yes… we are over! You lied!" She panted, shuddering from the weeping wounds inside her. "I don't want kids. I certainly don't want yours. So, get the hell out of my life and stay there."

If she hadn't been so tightly clasped inside the past's vicious grip, she might have faltered in her resolve at the expression in Four's eyes. The incredulity. The loss.

Then his face tightened with his own fury.

He leaned into her, eyes sparking with fire as he hissed in her face, "It's a good thing I did keep Matthew away from you, because I wouldn't want him around whatever this is."

Wearing a look of disgust, Four turned around and stormed out of the flat.

She jumped at the sound of her front door slamming and immediately swayed with dizziness. Her hands groped for the couch to steady herself.

She took a few shallow breaths.

Her feet started to move, walking her through a fog, cold little pinpricks of nausea covering her face. As she walked into the bathroom, she looked in the mirror and the past was right there in front of her….

****FLASHBACK****

 _Tris smiled at Edward as he walked beside her. Christina was just a little ahead of them, talking on her phone._

 _Three months ago. Well, just under. That's how long since she saw Tobias – her last image of him was the boathouse… that horrified look in his eyes as he dressed and then hurried from the house. She didn't expect to hear from him after he'd taken her virginity and then rejected her, she had been told later that he had went back to England._

 _Her family and friends had noticed her despondency. They were worried. She was worried. When she didn't feel numb, she felt like crap. She'd had a sickness bug that she couldn't seem to shake, and she had pains. She didn't feel like herself and she knew if she didn't go to the doctor soon, her parents would force her to._

 _Christina grinned over her shoulder at them and murmured something into her phone._

" _What do you think she's saying right now?" Edward squinted against the winter sun._

" _That we make a cute couple," Tris answered wryly._

 _Edward looked surprised. "You think?"_

" _Something I've learned watching the women around me fall in love… it makes them want everyone else to fall in love."_

" _I'm not sure I like where this is going."_

 _She laughed weakly. "Don't worry. I'm not interested in falling in love. We can fight any attempts at matchmaking together." She felt a stab of pain in her abdomen and flinched._

" _I kind of have a girlfriend anyway," Edward confessed, distracting her from the pain._

 _Tris smiled. "Yeah? What's her —" Violent pain shot through her abdomen and she bent double, sucking in her breath._

 _"Tris!_ _ _"__ _Edward wrapped his arm around her. "Christina!"_

 _More pain. Agonizing. She thought she screamed. She felt a rush of wetness between her legs._

 _Pain. Nausea._

 _Fear._

 _Black spots in her vision, hundreds, thousands… until all was just black._

 _There was a beeping sound._

 _It was bloody annoying._

 _Pushing through the dark of sleep, that beeping sound grabbed hold of her and pulled her into consciousness. Her eyes fluttered open slowly, her vision hazy. She took in the fading cream-colored walls of the room. The polystyrene ceiling._

 _Where the hell was she?_

 _Her mouth was dry. Her body weighted._

 _Catching movement out of the corner of her eye, she turned her head on the unfamiliar pillow to find her mother sitting on a chair beside the unfamiliar bed she was in. Her elbow was braced on the arm of the chair, her chin braced on her hand._

 _Her eyes were closed. Her cheeks pale._

 _The beeping behind her seemed to speed up._

" _Mom?" Tris tried to say, but it just came out as a croak. "Mom." She tried again, more successfully._

 _Her lashes fluttered and then she was looking at her in surprise. The surprise immediately disappeared as her face crumpled and she started to sob._

" _Mom?" Scared, she lifted her arm a little to reach for her hand and she spotted the IV stuck in the bend of her elbow._

 _She grabbed her hand. "Oh sweetheart, you're okay." She smiled through the tears._

" _What happened?"_

 _"Tris_ _ _?"__

 _She turned her head to see her dad standing in the doorway. His features were strained, his eyes bloodshot. He rushed toward the hospital bed and leaned over her, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Sweetheart," he whispered hoarsely._

 _Tris started to cry. Silent tears. "What happened?"_

 _A little while later a doctor arrived to explain. She introduced herself as Dr. Tucker, her surgeon._

 _She stood on her right, "Tris, you had what is called an ectopic pregnancy."_

 _What? Pregnant? No. She turned to look at her parents in denial. "No… I would have… known."_

 _The doctor shook her head gently. "Sometimes with an ectopic pregnancy there is bleeding, spotting, that is often confused with menstruation." She must have seen on her face that that's exactly what had been happening these last few weeks. "An ectopic pregnancy is when a fertilized egg implants itself outside of the womb. In your case, Tris, the egg implanted inside your left fallopian tube. Unfortunately, because you were unaware of your pregnancy, any symptoms you might have had were not picked up on."_

 _The sickness. The pain._

 _She closed her eyes in disbelief._

" _The egg continued to grow inside your fallopian tube until it ruptured the tube. You were bleeding internally when you arrived at the hospital. We had to perform surgery immediately. As I explained to your parents, we lost your heartbeat but managed to resuscitate you."_

 _She'd died?_

 _She looked at her parents and saw it written all over their faces._

 _"Tris_ _ _."__ _Dr. Tucker's voice had grown softer. "We removed the damaged tube and you should make a full recovery from surgery. We're administering pain medication to you, but if you feel any pain, please let your nurse know and we'll administer more if needed."_

 _She looked up at her parents and saw in their ragged expressions what the last forty-eight hours had done to them._

 _She closed her eyes._

 _This wasn't real. This couldn't be real._

 _Two months._

 _Nearly dying, weeks of pain and recovery, missing school, dealing with the rumors at school… all without him, all without Tobias by her side. The one person that she needed._

 _It had been a long two months._

 _A life-changing two months._

 _And she still hadn't explained anything to anyone. She sat on her bed, her emotions in complete disarray._

 _She couldn't bring myself to talk about it._

 _A light knock sounded at her door and she looked up to watch Edward slide in._

 _Without saying a word, he walked into the room and sat down beside her._

" _I know everyone has tried talking to you about what happened, and I know you keep blowing everyone off, but today you aren't going to."_

 _"Tris_ _ _,__ _you passed out in my arms. There was blood. Christina and I didn't know what was going on. You were dying. I was scared shitless," he confessed, his words thick with emotion._

 _Surprised, she looked up at him. Edward cared about her._

 _Sighing, she reached for his hand and squeezed it. "I'm sorry I did that to you."_

" _You don't need to be sorry. Just tell me who got you pregnant, so I can kill him before Uriah or Christina get to him."_

 _Still, despite feeling betrayed by Tobias; departure, angry at him, so angry at him for leaving her to deal with all this alone, she felt fear more than anything else. Fear of her family discovering he got her pregnant. Fear they'd hurt him. Fear they'd think less of him._

 _"Tris_ _ _,__ _you almost died," Edward reminded her harshly._

" _I know." She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. "I made a massive mistake. At the beginning of the school year I went to a party. I got really drunk." She looked away from him. "I slept with this random guy I met and I took off afterwards because I couldn't believe I'd done it. I don't even know his name, let alone where he lives. And if I did, what would be the point? I had a miscarriage. He didn't know I was pregnant, I didn't know. We were both to blame for acting irresponsibly."_

" _But you're the only one who had to deal with the consequences. How is that fair?"_

" _It's not." Tris said as her tears started falling and she couldn't stop them._

 _Edward wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into him, his T-shirt instantly soaked where she laid her head on his chest. "You'll get through this, Tris."_

" _I keep seeing my mum's and dad's faces. I know I disappointed them."_

" _Ssh," he soothed, pulling her closer. "It's nobody's fault. Everything's going to be okay."_

 _The truth was, she was scared. She was scared one wrong move could rip life away from her. Suddenly pregnancy was something that could do that to her. It wasn't rational. She knew the doctor had told her that she could go on to have a perfectly healthy pregnancy, but the fear of another ectopic pregnancy was too great. Her fear forced her to grieve too young for what she always took for granted would be in her future._

 _Her miscarriage, her near-death experience, and her grief changed her. It made her a bit of a loner. She was depressed for months._

 _Her only salvation then was Edward. He was the only positive thing to come out of it all. Since the moment she'd collapsed in his arms, a bond had formed between them, gradually growing until they counted each other as best friends. He had always been there in those dark days to assure everyone else that she was still in there and that day by day she was making her way back to them._

 _Eventually she moved on._

 _She tried to let it all go._

 _****ENDFLASHBACK****_

Until Four. He came crashing back into her life. No one but her dad knew he was the one who had got her pregnant and left her. She felt all alone again. She couldn't talk to her dad about it. That was too weird, too uncomfortable, and so it brought everything back.

She tried to fight through the hurt and disappointment to reach for rational thought. Four hadn't known that she was pregnant. If he'd known, it would have been a different story. Tris was sure of that. It wasn't his fault any more than it was her.

Okay, if he hadn't left her she would have had him by her side when she needed him most. Maybe the days wouldn't have been so dark. However, he'd explained why he left. And Edward had been right. She might not like it, but his explanation was a good one.

She forgave him.

Her fingernails dug into her knees.

But to know now that he'd not only returned without looking her up, but that he'd returned and gotten some other girl pregnant and been there for her… It was devastating.

All that pain was back full force again.

It didn't matter if it wasn't rational. She felt it. She felt it scoring her insides.

The hardest thing she'd ever been through and he wasn't there for her.

But he'd been there for Melissa.

She couldn't forgive him this.

****PAGEBREAK****

The last few weeks had not been easy, to say the least. She'd had to explain to everyone that she and Four had broken up, but of course she couldn't explain why. She didn't get into it, and she tried her best to appear as unaffected as possible. However, no matter what she said they were all convinced that she was the devastated party in the breakup.

"I'm not devastated," She'd lied to them on more than one occasion. "We were barely together two months."

Yet the truth was she missed him so much she was in pain. All the time.

In the mornings she would wake up alone, but she would feel the press of his warm body against hers like a phantom in the room. She'd remember he was out of her life and that warmth would disappear and she was left alone in her flat. Her flat that had once been home and now just felt empty and cold.

Like its owner.

When missing him became too much, she'd reach for the phone, and just as she was about to dial his number, she'd remember. How much it hurt. Why it hurt. And why they were no longer together.

Of course, it made things easier that Four didn't call or came around. She'd packed up the things he'd left at her place and had Christina return them to him. Christina and she weren't really speaking to each other, which made for a very wintry atmosphere. She discovered she'd known all along that Four had a son. He'd asked her to stay quiet on the subject until he had the chance to tell Tris.

Tris barely got through the holidays, before she knew it, it was New Year's Eve. Edward had brought Tris out with him to a party. She drunk several shots, trying to forget Four for a moment, the hurt, the heartbreak. She found herself in some man's arms, dancing with him, and for a split second she was able to forget Four.

The room grew still upon the countdown and they all started shouting down from ten.

"… TWO! ONE! HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

Cheers rent the air along with whistles and claps, and she turned to smile up into cute-guy-she-couldn't-remember-his-name's face just as his mouth descended toward hers.

The instant his lips touched her lips, she tensed.

He kissed her. It was perfectly nice.

But there was no tingling.

She felt the burn of tears in her nose and in the back of her throat and she abruptly broke the kiss. She looked up, horrified by the wet in her eyes, and apologized to his neck since she couldn't meet his surely befuddled gaze. Hurrying away from him, she pushed through the crowds of partygoers and hurried outside.

"What the hell was that?" She murmured to herself.

As if in answer, her phone rang.

That was a surprise. It was nearly impossible to get through to someone on New Year's since the networks were so clogged with calls. Pulling her phone out of her pocket, she almost dropped it when she saw the caller ID.

It was like the no-tingle kiss had conjured him.

Four.

Feeling the breath whoosh out of her, she stared at the phone, unsure what to do.

Then, as if someone else had taken over her body, she pressed the ANSWER button and held the phone up to her ear without saying a word.

"I'm sitting here" – he started speaking, and the sound of his gravelly voice in her ear caused her to close her eyes in pain – "and for the millionth time I'm wondering what the fuck went wrong."

Still she didn't speak.

"I want to know what's going on, Tris. What's really going on? I keep going over it and over it in my head, and no matter what my brain tells me happened that day, I refuse to believe the person that broke up with me was you. There's something you're not telling me. There's got to be something you're not telling me." He sounded desperate, and the pain in his voice was like a fist twisting in her gut. "My head's a fucking mess." He sighed, his voice lowering to a rumble. "I miss you."

Frozen, his words like a vise squeezing her lungs, she couldn't say anything in return.

Four waited a while.

Then he hung up.

She dropped her head, wondering why she suddenly felt like a coward. "I miss you too," she whispered.

****PAGEBREAK****

She jumped as Edward came through her doorway at school and slammed her door shut. Slowly, nervously, Tris stood up. Edward was furious and she had not a clue as to why. "What's going on?"

The muscle in his jaw flexed while he looked me over, seeming beyond frustrated and angry. "I bumped into Christina half an hour ago."

Her stomach dropped.

"Four has a family?" he asked in disbelief. "A kid? A wife?"

"No." She hurried toward him in denial. "He has a son… Edward, we can't do this here."

"Just tell me what's going on and I'll leave."

"I found out that Four got someone pregnant when he came back four years ago. She was an old friend of his. They're not together. But they have a three-year-old son."

He frowned at me in confusion. "You broke up with him because he has a child?"

The incredulity in his voice made her anxiety spike even more, but she nodded, hoping her expression didn't give her away.

Unfortunately, the trembling in her hands did. Edward caught the shaking as he scrutinized her from top to bottom, and as soon as he saw it, he stiffened. Understanding flitted through his eyes and he pinned her to the spot with the force of his realization. "It was him," he said hoarsely. Renewed fury roiled in his gaze. "It was fucking him. You lied? It was him! He got you pregnant and fucked off!"

"Edward —"

But he was already marching out of the room.

Panicked, not sure what he might do, she grabbed her bag and ran out of the classroom after him, running in her stupid heels. By the time she caught up to him he was striding across the parking lot toward his car and he was talking on his phone to someone.

"Edward!" Tris shouted, but he ignored her and got in his car. "Shit." She hurried after him, chasing him as he pulled out of the school gates. She ran to her car and her phone was ringing as she pulled out as well.

"Tris, what's going on?" Zeke demanded. "Edward just called to ask what site Four is working on. He sounds beyond pissed off."

"Zeke, he's about to do something really stupid. Where is he going?"

She flung the phone down and sped over to where the site was, and she heard the commotion before she saw it. As she hurried around the office cabins, her heart plummeted at the sight before her.

Four had Edward by the throat, his face twisted in anger. He thrust Edward away, but Edward barely staggered back before he swung out and clipped Four in the face with his fist. There were two workers standing behind them, not doing much to stop them, and she could see more running toward the scene.

Four punched Edward and suddenly she was in action.

"Stop!" Tris screamed, running toward them, pushing past the crew that was gathering. "Edward, stop I —"

Edward's elbow slammed into her head as he pulled back his arm in preparation to punch. The pain burst down the side of her face, dazing her, and she stumbled back, feeling hands on her, steadying her. She blinked, trying to refocus, and when she did, she saw Edward staring at her in horror and an enraged Four behind him, ready to lunge.

"No!" She pushed past Edward and collided with Four, pressing her hands to his chest. "Four, please," she pleaded.

Four's handsome features were stretched tight, his jaw clenched hard. She could tell he didn't want to stop, but he did, taking a step back in silent acquiescence. Head throbbing, heart pounding, legs trembling, she spun around to placate Edward. "He doesn't know, Edward. He doesn't know."

Edward's nostrils flared. "He still fucking left you."

"Yeah. He did. But everything else… he doesn't know."

"I don't know what?" Four asked impatiently behind her.

Her shoulders tensed. She'd never wanted this moment to come.

Edward opened his mouth to speak.

"Don't you dare," she snapped.

"He needs to know."

Feeling nauseated at the prospect she replied, "And now he will. But I'll be the one to tell him."

"Will someone please tell me what the fuck is going on here?" Four growled.

"Everyone out!" Zeke yelled, Tris looked at him and gave a silent thank you as they cleared but Four and her.

"Let's go in the trailer," Four said as they walked in.

He whirled around to look at her, a million questions in his eyes. Ignoring the throbbing in her head where Edward had clipped her, she dipped her gaze to Four's lip. Edward had split it open. "I'm sorry about Edward," she muttered.

"I could give a damn about what he did. I want to know why he did it."

It took all the courage she had to meet Four's eyes.

"Tris?" he prompted, his patience clearly waning.

"It wasn't because you have a son," she told him quietly.

The air around him instantly grew still, his look sharpening.

"I don't know how to say any of this," she confessed.

"Well, you better find a way because I lost patience with this weeks ago."

"When you left me five years ago I was in a really bad place. I thought at first, I was just heartbroken, that that was why I wasn't feeling great. But a few months after you left I was out with Christina and Edward and I felt this indescribable pain. I passed out from it."

Four's expression tightened, and she could see in his eyes that he didn't want to hear what was coming but recognized that he needed to. She didn't want to tell him because she knew in that moment that what she was going to tell him was going to hurt him, too.

"When I woke up it was almost forty-eight hours later and I was in hospital."

"Tris…" He seemed to plead with her.

That's when the tears started winning. "I miscarried. But it wasn't just a miscarriage; it was something called an ectopic pregnancy. That means the egg implanted inside one of my tubes instead of the womb, but because I didn't realize I was pregnant, the egg grew until it ruptured the tube and I started bleeding internally."

"You almost died?" he asked, his voice deep and thick with the emotion she could see blazing in his eyes.

"Yes. I had surgery. They removed the damaged tube." Saying it out loud just reminded her of all the resentment she'd been feeling, and without meaning to she let it spill out of her. "I lied to my friends and family about who got me pregnant. I protected you. I protected you, but you weren't there to protect me. I had to cope with having a miscarriage at seventeen. And you weren't there for me. And I know you had your reasons and I tried to forgive and I tried to forget." She swiped at her tears, but they were falling too fast for her to keep up. "But you weren't even back a few months when you got Melissa pregnant. You were there for her, Four, and as much as I know it's not rational, I feel like you betrayed me somehow. You were supposed to be the love of my life, but how can you be? I went through all of that alone only to discover that the supposed love of my life was there for some other girl when he was never there for me."

The small space was thick with a stifling silence, broken only by her labored breathing.

She waited for him to say something. Anything.

Without warning, he turned around and slammed his fist into the cabin wall. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" He punched it repeatedly, the wall crumbling like paper.

"Four!" She moved toward him to stop him, but her voice had already done that. He sagged into the wall, his forehead resting against it as his shoulders shuddered.

"Four," she whispered, her emotions confusing her all the more when an ache inside her begged her to comfort him. She walked over to him and he turned his head to watch her approach.

There was anguish unlike anything she'd ever seen in his eyes as they looked deep into hers. "You were this precious, beautiful gift that came into my life when I needed it the most," he said quietly. "I never felt safe as a kid. I knew what it was like to not feel safe and I hated the idea of anyone I cared about ever feeling that way. I started to care about you pretty quickly, so it feels like I've always only ever wanted to protect you, you know. And I didn't. So, I did betray you. And I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sor…" His voice fell away as he dragged his hand down his face, pushing away from the wall and turning away from her.

The door behind them opened and she glanced over at it to see Zeke standing in the doorway. He took in her tear stained face and red eyes, the broken plaster on the wall, and Four's obviously bad state. Eyes soft with sympathy, Zeke asked her gently, "Do you want me to take you home?"

She glanced back at Four, but he hadn't turned around to face her. He needed time to deal with this. She didn't know what to feel. She just knew that a man like Four didn't lose control of his emotions easily.

She just knew that he loved her. Deeply.

And she just knew that it was all one huge painful mess that she couldn't fix.

"Yeah," Tris whispered, brushing tears off her cheeks and moving over to Zeke. He drove her home, and during the drive over no one said a word. He stayed with her, making her a cup of tea with a splash of whiskey in it. He just sat on the couch with her, giving her the quiet she needed but also the comfort of his presence. He left when Uriah and Shauna turned up at her door, and she knew he'd been the one to rally the troops.

Tris told them what all had exactly happened to her years ago, once she was done, Shauna looked at her with tears in her eyes. "You've been carrying all this by yourself? Why, Tris? Didn't you trust us?"

Tris shook her head adamantly. "It wasn't that. Please don't think that."

"You were protecting him." Uriah said.

"Yes, though I don't know why."

"You love him," Shauna stated simply. "That's why."

"I forgave the fact that he left me after we spent the night together, I forgave him for leaving the country and then not looking me up when he came back, and I did all that because, yes, I loved him. And I know that if he'd stayed, he would have been there for me through the miscarriage and my depression. I know that because the look on his face when I told him what happened to me said it all."

"Then why —" Shauna bit her lip, not finishing the question out loud, but her eyes said the rest for her.

Tris felt that familiar ache throbbing in her chest. "Then why leave him?"

Shauna nodded.

Tris knew they were trying to understand – and to a certain extent did understand – what she was feeling, but there was also sympathy for Four in those expressions. "It hurt to find out he not only didn't look me up when he returned but that he got some other girl pregnant and he was there for her. I know it doesn't make sense to be mad at him for a situation he wasn't even aware of but… I can't help feeling betrayed anyway. I keep thinking if he hadn't left me that night… if he hadn't left me I might have been the girl he stuck around for. But I wasn't. Isn't the man you love supposed to stick around for you, to see you through the worst things that can ever happen to you?"

"The one time you needed him he wasn't there." Uriah's voice echoed quietly into the room. "But, Tris… you know Four's capable of being that guy."

Tris was silent because the reason she was in such a confused state was that she did know Four was capable of being that guy. He'd been trying to be that guy for the last three months.

"Tris, just said it yourself, so deep down I know you know that it wasn't Four''s fault he wasn't there for you. Yeah, he definitely shouldn't have left you alone that night. He was in a horrible situation at home. If he had known you were pregnant, he would have stayed, but you have no idea how things might have worked out between you. I do know that the Tris back then didn't take no for an answer, so I have a sneaking suspicion you would have gotten your way. But that's not what happened, and as rubbish as it is, Four had a reason for leaving. And as much as you don't like his explanation for not looking you up upon his return, frankly I can't be annoyed at a man who stayed away because he thought my smart, funny, beautiful, strong best friend was too good for him. I definitely can't be annoyed at him for pulling his head out of his issues and taking time to prove to you he wanted to be with you. He sounds like a good dad, and I've witnessed him with you – he treats you like you're the most precious thing on the planet. He was straight forward and he seemed very protective of you. We all liked that about him, Tris."

"Shauna," Tris whispered, almost pleading. She didn't need to hear this. It just confused her more.

"But…" Shauna sighed. "Sometimes we just feel what we feel. It doesn't matter what we know is logical, our emotions usually rule. However, I don't think Four isn't 'the one' because he left and he wasn't there for everything that happened."

"Tris, if you don't think he's the one, then he's not. But ask yourself… why did you lie to your family to protect him? Why did you race after Edward to stop him from attacking Four? Why does it matter if you're not in love with him?"

Turmoil. Total turmoil. There was no escaping it. Although Shauna's questions had opened doors she'd been trying to keep tightly closed since breaking up with Four, she hugged her friends hard because at least she was no longer carrying the weight of the truth on her shoulders alone. There was a simple relief in that.

Later that night, when her phone rang just before nine o' clock, she had to wonder if her body had a sixth sense.

Caller ID told her it was Four.

She could have ignored it, but they both deserved better than that.

"Hi," Tris answered softly, curling up into a ball on the couch, the phone pressed tight to her ear.

"Hey."

She closed her eyes at the sound of his voice in her ear.

"I don't know what to say."

"I do and I don't," he replied. "I would have come over, but I didn't know if you'd answer the door or not."

"I don't know if I would have either," She answered honestly.

"Yeah." He exhaled and it sounded a little shaky. "Tris, I get it, but I have to see you. Can we please meet? We need to talk about all this."

"I don't know."

"Sweetheart, this can't be it." His voice lowered, deepened. "We need a chance to work all this out."

His endearment reached out, its hook catching and tugging painfully on her heart. It took her a moment to gather herself and say, "I just need time."

"And after everything you've been through you deserve whatever you need, but I'm afraid if I give you that time all you're going to do is use it to keep us apart." At her continued silence, Four said softly, "I'll give you time. But not a lot of it. I've lost you twice now, and I'm not losing you again."

 _I've lost you twice now, and I'm not losing you again._

 _I've lost you twice now, and I'm not losing you again._


	6. Chapter 6

**_(A/N-Special t_ _ **hanks to Bekki for beta reading this. Also ty to all who read, review follow and fav. I wanted to say this really quick, we all like different things, different topics with stories and it's good that we do. We might not like certain terms of endearment and we might love them. And we might not like A/U stories, sex scenes, etc and some love them. If I really don't like something I just move on and look for what I do like. If I have a question on why something was used in a story, I can always PM the author to ask. I've gotten really great communication with doing so, especially after they explained whatever the issue was. My hands are better now that they have rested and the weather is better. Hope you enjoy!)**_**

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The next day, Tris skipped out of work to head to Edward's place.

He looked like shit.

When he opened his front door to her, she winced, taking in his black eye, pale skin, and guilty expression. Without saying a word, she stepped over the threshold and put her arms around him, hugging him tight.

"You're not mad?" Edward asked in surprise as he held her close.

She kissed his cheek and pulled gently out of his embrace. "For you having my back? No. For the bruise on my forehead… maybe." she smiled, a sad smile but a smile nonetheless, so he'd know she was teasing. "I'm not mad. You acted impulsively, but your heart was in the right place."

Edward blew out a breath between his lips. "I've got to say that's a relief. I was expecting you to be so pissed off at me for letting the cat out of the bag with Four."

"It wasn't fun," she admitted. "But it was probably about time. I actually feel a lot better now that everyone knows the truth."

"I did good then?"

"Oh, I wouldn't take it that far. You definitely owe me coffee at least."

Edward pulled her to his side, and together they went into the kitchen, their friendship as solid as usual.

****PAGEBREAK****

Later Tris was walking to her flat when she heard her name called.

"Tris Prior?"

She glanced up at the question, stopping on the last step of the front stoop to stare at the brunette, wondering why she looked so familiar. "Yes?"

The young woman took a few steps forward, seeming anxious, and that's when she remembered where she'd seen her: the photograph of Four and his son at the Market. Melissa. The mother of his son.

"I'm Melissa. I'm Matthew's mom."

Eyeing her warily, Tris replied, "I know who you are."

She stared at her. "You're just like he described."

Tris frowned in response. "What are you doing here?"

Her expression tightened. "I'm here because I care about Four. And he's a mess right now."

Tris couldn't ignore the guilt and pain that knowledge caused her. Since they'd last spoken on the phone, Four had given her time. But he'd been honest when he said he'd give her time but not a lot of it. When five days passed, and she didn't contact him, he called her. Having already told him she needed space, she didn't answer.

She didn't answer when he called her three times after that. She couldn't answer, because her fear had made up her mind for her about them, and she didn't know how to tell him.

"Look, he didn't go into the details, but he explained that something bad happened to you years ago when he left and now he's blaming himself." Melissa crossed her arms over her chest, appearing annoyed. "I knew him at school. Not well. But I knew him. I knew he was quiet and seemed a bit pissed off with the world. I watched him change when he became a dad. He got, I don't know, like, sure of himself. And happy. Yet, still, I've never seen him as happy as he was when he was seeing you." She squinted against the winter sun. "He told me all about you, you know. Before. When I was pregnant with Matthew we became good friends and he talked about you. I was even a wee bit jealous of the way he saw you – like you were so much better than every other girl on the planet. I told him countless times that he was good enough for anyone, that he should try to get in touch with you again, but he wouldn't do it. That really pissed me off – that he thought he wasn't good enough. Now I'm even more pissed off because with you not forgiving him or giving him the time of day, it makes him think he is to blame for whatever shit went down with you. He's back to thinking he's not good enough. I know him. I know he would never hurt anyone deliberately, so I know whatever happened to you isn't his fault. It would be nice if you'd let him know that, too."

Feeling cornered, remorseful, and pissed off that she'd been made to feel guilty by someone she didn't know, Tris gave her a look that told her that she wouldn't be cowed. "I'm not sure any of this is your business."

Her face grew hard. "Four isn't just my son's dad, he's my friend. He's a good guy and I don't like anyone hurting him."

"Does he know you're here right now?"

"No." She huffed. "And he'll probably be really pissed off when I tell him I came to see you. But if it gives you a kick up the arse to do the right thing, then I'm okay with that."

"You have no idea what you're talking about."

"Maybe not. But we both know Four is a good person. He doesn't deserve to be feeling the way he's feeling." She shrugged, shot her one last searching look, and said, "You think on that."

Tris knew she had to call him. He picked up on the second ring.

"You know how to keep a guy hanging," he answered quietly.

"I'm just calling to tell you I want you to stop blaming yourself. I don't blame you for what happened to me."

"Easier said than done, Tris. There's a reason you broke up with me when you found out about Matthew. You said yourself that at least a part of you blames me for leaving you to deal with all that shit by yourself."

"Honestly," she whispered, "I did. I know that it wasn't right, though, and I've worked through that. I know that what happened to me wasn't your fault. What happened to me wasn't anyone's fault. We were both at fault for being irresponsible and not using protection, that's all."

"No. That was my fault. I was the experienced one. But it was you… and in that moment, I was too lost in you to think straight."

"Was that the way it was with Melissa?" she asked caustically.

"Tris, it wasn't like that with her. We were both drunk. It's a miracle we had enough faculties about us to get undressed and have sex, if —"

"Okay, I don't want to hear any more," she interrupted.

He was silent for a while and then… "It's about Melissa, isn't it?"

"No," she answered, and then sighed. "I don't know."

"Tris, I care about Melissa. She's my friend and she's the mother of my kid. But I love you."

"Should it be this hard, though, Four?" she asked. "Should it hurt this much?"

"I don't know. I don't know what the rules are. All I know is that it means something pretty important to feel this way about someone. I'd do anything for my son, Tris. I'd do anything to protect him. To make sure he knows he's loved. That he makes my universe turn. And I feel that way about you too. I want to protect you, I want you to know that for me there's no one else like you. That you make my universe turn."

"If it was up to how I feel when it's just us and the world is quiet, and everything seems so far away," she told him softly, "we'd be together. I'd put it all behind me and we'd move on. But life isn't like that. The rest of the world never goes away. Our mistakes are out there, and we can't hide from them. I don't want to mess you around and it's not my intention to hurt you" – her voice cracked – "but I just don't think this is what I want anymore."

"You don't love me?" His voice was gruff, the way he sounded whenever he was feeling something deeply.

She hated that she was hurting him. "Four, I've been in love with you since I was a teenager. And it's hurt for these years. I'm just not sure that's the right kind of love."

"I didn't know there was a right or a wrong kind," he whispered hoarsely.

"Perhaps not. But maybe I need a shot at an easy kind."

"Or maybe you just need to give us a shot with all this is out in the open," he argued. "Tris, when we were kids I was messed up. I didn't give us a chance. But those two months we had before Christmas were the best weeks of my life, and they would have been perfect if we'd just been honest about everything. Now all that is out there, and we can start over. It can be great. It can be easy."

She wanted to believe that, but she was too scared. She wasn't even going to lie to herself about it. She was terrified. Four could hurt her like no one else could because she loved him with everything she had. She'd allowed his mistakes, their mistakes, to bend her. However, she couldn't let him break her.

"Tris?"

"Four…" Her voice came out as a whisper and she had to clear her throat to get the volume back. "Because of you I've never given anyone a chance. If you want the whole and absolute truth, there's never been anyone since you. I lied when you asked me when the last time I had sex was. I've only ever been with one man and that man is you."

"Tris —"

"It's time I gave myself a chance to fall in love with someone else."

"You don't mean that."

"I do. We're not good for each other. You need to move on."

"No," he growled down the phone in a surprising and yet not so surprising response. "You're mine. I'm yours. Don't you dare run from that."

"I'm not running." More lies. "I just need a fresh start."

"Tris, I love you."

"Please don't… don't make this harder than it already is."

"No. Don't give me bullshit clichés. I need to see you. We can't do this over the phone. We can talk, and we can work it out."

Terrified at that thought because she knew that just seeing him would weaken her resolve, she hurried to deny him. "I don't want to see you. I'm moving on, Four, and I need you to do the same for me. Do this for me."

"I can't. It might be the most selfish thing I'll ever do, but I can't give you up. I won't. If I thought it was what you really wanted, really needed, I would. But it's not. You're scared. I know you're scared. I'm going to do everything I can to take that fear away."

"Stop being a stubborn idiot!" Tris snapped, feeling desperate.

"Pot, meet kettle," he answered, his voice edged with determination. "We'll see which one of us can be the most obstinate, Tris, because I'm never giving up on us. If it takes a week, a month, a year, whatever, the future is us. I'm spending the rest of my life waking up in the morning with you beside me and getting through each day knowing that when the sky turns dark I'll be spending the night with you."

His sensual, beautiful words knocked her for six. "You are such a bastard," she breathed.

Four laughed shortly, harshly. "I see I'm winning already."

****PAGEBREAK****

Tris went to see her friend Amber in the daycare that she worked at. She was playing with little Vincent, a toddler there.

"Oh, my gosh," Tris panted, attempting to catch her breath as she lay on the floor with Vincent sprawled across her chest in an effort to use his weight to keep her there. They were giggling like crazy. "I can't move, Vincent. You're too strong!"

He giggled harder. "I'm goin' keep you here, Tris."

"Forever?" she gasped.

"Uh-huh."

"I think that might be Tris Prior buried there, but I can't be sure." An amused voice spoke from somewhere above her.

An upside-down Four appeared in her line of sight.

Shit.

Breathe, Tris.

"Uh, hello," she managed.

"Need a hand?"

"Come on, Vincent," Tris heard Amber say and then suddenly she was there, bending down to pick Vincent up off her chest. She got to her feet. She watched Amber walk away with Vincent and head over to the table by the window.

Her eyes moved to Four, who was standing at the edge of the soft play area. Clinging to his big hand was the most beautiful little boy she'd ever seen. Her chest ached looking at him.

Matthew.

He had Four's coloring, down to the striking dimples of his, and he had little boy curls. He was tall for his age, which could mean he was going to be as tall as his dad one day, and he was wearing this serious, curious expression on his face that was so like one of Four's expressions that the ache in her chest intensified.

Feeling emotions, she hadn't expected to feel, she looked up from Matthew and into Four's eyes and choked out, "He's beautiful."

Four's hand flexed in Matthew's and he glanced down at his son with an adoring look of pride. "Yeah."

Just like that, she remembered the awkwardness of being around him and she covered her uneasiness with a glare. "There are hundreds of day care centers here. This one? Really?"

Four's grin was slightly wicked. "Looks like the universe wants me to win as well."

Not wanting to deal with how that made her feel, she glanced down at Matthew again. He kept looking between his dad and her, clearly wondering who she was.

"Matthew," Four caught his attention again, "this is Tris. Tris, this is Matthew."

She smiled at Four's mini-me. "Hi, Matthew."

He shifted a little closer to his dad's leg. "Hi," he replied quietly and clutched a soft toy to his chest. On closer inspection she realized the toy was a miniature of Sulley from Pixar's Monsters, Inc.

Tris swore she almost melted all over the floor. "Sulley is one of my favorites."

Matthew's eyes widened slightly.

"Do you like Lightning McQueen too?" She referenced the hero of the Pixar movie Cars.

Matthew nodded.

"He loves Pixar movies." Four smiled softly. "You and he would get on great."

Tris knew her smile was a little sad when she replied, "He's fantastic. I think everything turned out the way it was supposed to for you, Four."

Determination etched his features as he looked directly into her eyes. "It's not all done turning itself out. Obviously."

Tris wrinkled her nose at him. "I have to get back." Her gaze moved to Matthew. "It was nice to meet you, Matthew. Bye."

"Bye," he answered with his serious little-boy expression.

Amer was silent as Tris took a seat with her back to Four and his son.

"Is he gone?" Tris asked, staring doggedly ahead.

She looked over Tris' shoulder. "Yeah. He just left with his beautiful little boy. Seriously? Those two together? Wow. And you..."

"What?" Tris asked.

"For giving up on a man who looks at you the way Four does. I thought Derrick could be all brooding and possessive with a single look, but Four is in his own league."

Tris looked confused.

"Tris, the look on his face when you were talking to Matthew… oh, my God, he couldn't take his eyes off you."

"It was hot," Amber added. "Possessive. Hot."

"Stop," Tris said.

"Tender too. Sweet. Kind of adoring." Amber sighed.

"It's just too complicated," Tris said.

"Are you trying to convince me or you?" Amber asked.

"It just hurts," Tris said.

Amber took her hand in hers, "I know it must. It must sting to see him with his son after what you went through."

Tris shut her eyes, trying to blink back the tears. "If I had known I was pregnant...I would have wanted my baby."

"I know. You can still have a future with him if you want. I know he wasn't there for you when that all happened, but he can be there for you now, if you want him to be. That's what you have to ask yourself," Amber said. "Do you want him in your life now?"

"I don't know," Tris said.

"Love is not an easy thing to find, but it sure is easy to loose. Are you prepared to loose his love for you, now that he's back fighting for you?" Amber asked.


	7. Chapter 7

**_(A/N-Special t_** _ **hanks to Bekki for beta reading this. Also ty to all who read, review follow and fav.)**_

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Edward decided to try to take her mind off Four and take her out to dinner, he grabbed her hand and led her inside, out of the cold and into the pleasant warmth of the restaurant. Her hand still clutched in his, she warned, "Well, we're going to spend the whole of the meal talking this through as payback, just a FYI."

He squeezed her hand. "I think I can handle a wee bit of girl talk." They stopped at the hostess's table and Edward gave her his name. She was leading them into the back room of the restaurant and she was about to respond belatedly to Edward's comment with something cheeky when he jarred to a stop and she bumped into his back with the sudden loss of momentum.

"What —" Her voice cut off when her eyes followed his gaze.

Four.

And he wasn't alone.

Her stomach flipped unpleasantly as she took in the sight of him smiling at some unknown woman.

Edward started to move them toward them, holding tight to her hand.

"What are you doing?" she hissed, feeling very close to having an emotional outburst and not wanting that bastard Four to witness it.

"Trust me," Edward urged.

As they approached the table, she managed to unglue her horrified gaze from Four and his obvious date to see that they shared the table with Melissa and an attractive dark-haired guy she assumed was her fiancé.

She was going to be sick. Or she was going to kill him. They were only a few feet from the table when they drew Four's gaze. His expression softened at the sight of her until his eyes dropped to her hand in Edward's and that expression instantly hardened.

Seriously?

He was on a double date and she was with a friend and he was pissed?

"Four." Edward greeted him pleasantly. "Just wanted to come over and apologize for… well, you know…" Her best friend looked at the woman at Four's side. "I hope I'm not interrupting your date."

Four's eyes clashed with hers and she knew he was definitely irritated with Edward. "It's not —"

"We shouldn't have interrupted." Tris was studiously avoiding Melissa's burning gaze as she tugged on Edward's hand. "We'll let you enjoy your dinner. Four."

Edward gave Four a tight grin before sliding his hand around her waist and leading them to the waiting hostess. As soon as she delivered them to their table, Edward sighed and said, "You're shaking like a leaf."

"I'm trying not to kill somebody," she said through clenched teeth. "Let's just go home."

"Fuck that." Edward let the anger shine from his eyes. "He can't do this to you."

"He's not. I am. I'm doing this to me," she muttered angrily. "I'm sending him mixed signals, he's sending me mixed signals. It's a whole bunch of fucked-up mixed signals. And I really just want to go home before I end up doing hard time."

Edward leaned into her, pressing his forehead against hers so she had nowhere to look but in his eyes or at her feet. She chose his eyes. "I'm sorry for taking you over there. But he knows that no matter how mixed up you are, underneath it all you love him. And he's here on a bloody date? I wanted to shake him up, not you."

"I'm fine."

"You're not fine. You're trembling."

"I'm trembling with anger. Edward —"

He cut her off by cupping her face in his hands and pressing a soft, sweet kiss to her lips. When he finally pulled back, she stared at him wide-eyed and more than slightly alarmed. "What the hell are you doing?" She asked.

"Reminding him he hasn't won you yet and unless he fights harder he'll lose you to someone else. He doesn't need to know that someone will never be me, sweetheart." He grinned unrepentantly.

She loved her best friend. Totally. She leaned up and pressed another soft kiss to his cheek. "You're the best, but part of the reason I'm so messed up is because I don't want him to fight harder. I want us to be over. I just don't know how to let go."

Edward leaned into her again, lips almost touching hers as he said quietly, "You need to stop lying to yourself, Tris. You love him. You know you do. Otherwise you wouldn't be in such a state."

Before she could respond in the negative, a shadow fell over them, and they pulled slightly apart to look to their right and into Four's furious face. Anger danced in his exceptional eyes and it was all directed at Edward. "You've got two seconds to move away from her before I fuck you up a million times worse than I did at the site."

She jerked back from Edward instantly, hating the idea of them fighting again. Anyway, if anyone was going to be throwing a punch tonight, it was going to be her. At my movement, Four's gaze flicked to her, along with his anger. "Nothing going on between you, huh?"

Indignation riled her even more. "What about you?" she leaned into him. "This is you fighting for us? A double date with some bitch and the mother of your child?"

His jaw clenched and he forced the words out between his teeth. "It's a favor for Melissa. It means fuck it all."

"Then why didn't you tell me about it?"

"Because according to you we should be over, so I didn't think it would matter all that much to you."

"You're right. It doesn't matter."

"What do you want from me? You tell me we're done and then you act like a jealous wife. Are you proving me wrong about you, Tris? Does it turn out you're just another woman playing stupid mind games that I'm never going to understand? Because if that's who you are, maybe I don't want this after all."

"Have fun on your date." Tris said as she started to leave, she hadn't moved fat when she heard footsteps behind her. Her arm was seized and she looked at Four's resolute face.

"What are you doing?" She snapped, tugging at her arm and meeting absolute resistance. As she was dragged farther, she glanced back over her shoulder to see that Edward hadn't moved to stop him. "Edward?" She called back into the room.

He shrugged.

Shrugged!

He got them into an office and shut the door behind them.

Four sighed, rubbing a hand over his short hair in discomfort. "It's just dinner. She's Melissa's cousin and she's staying from out of town. She's just got out of a bad relationship and Melissa wanted to take her mind off it. Nothing was ever going to happen." He took a step toward her. "But it was a stupid thing to agree to when I'm trying to get us back on track. I'm sorry."

Tris said nothing.

His eyes hardened in annoyance. "You and Edward?" Okay, more like jealousy than annoyance. "You been lying to me about him all this time?"

"Do you really think if I had something going on with Edward he would have let you haul me away from him like that without putting up a fight?"

"So he was just trying to piss me off?"

"Yes. Not because I asked him to," she assured him. "But I do think sleeping with you has confused things for me because… admittedly I was pissed off to see you with another woman. Which is ridiculous! Like I said we're over."

Four prowled toward her. A second later she was in his arms, her whole body pressed against his. He stroked her back and murmured somewhat cockily against her mouth, "You want this to stop? Just say no."

She said nothing, only looked at his lips.

He started kissing her and she could feel herself melting into his embrace.

However, there was this roiling ball of confusion within her and no matter how much she loved his kisses, she knew that she was only going to keep on hurting them both.

She pushed hard against him, breaking the kiss. She panted a little breathlessly from the effort it took to do so and she stared up into his confused eyes. "No."

"Tris, please just admit you're scared shitless and give me one more chance to prove to you that you don't have to be scared. That we can work."

"We're nothing but drama."

"Yeah?" he snapped. "So what? Everybody has drama. They deal with it you know what? I fucked up years ago. Big time. And I probably won't ever forgive myself for that. But I can't fight if you're not willing to fight with me." He strode toward her, desperation in his features as he grabbed her by the shoulders. "No more games. Please. This is it. You're either taking that chance with me or you're not and I'm gone for good."

She couldn't move, say anything.

Pain entered Four's eyes and he gently let go of her. "You better get back to Edward and I better get back to my date."

"Four —" Her lips suddenly moved and his name came out, pleading for him to understand. "We just keep hurting each other."

"No." He glanced back at her over his shoulder and she flinched at the anguish in his eyes. "I hurt you and I didn't mean to. Now you're deliberately hurting us both." He sighed, seeming unable to let go completely when he said, "Babe, you come to your senses, you know where I am. But I'll only be waiting there for so long."

When she got back to Edward she was a mess, and she asked Edward to take her home. Edward looked over to where Four was sitting watching them. And as he looked at her condition back over to Four, he started to make his way over, but Tris grabbed his shirt and said, "Don't. Please just take me home."

He put his arm around her and together they left the restaurant.

****PAGEBREAK****

When she got to work the next day, Tris was informed that Lee had been killed the night before.

"Is this a joke?"

"Tris, I know he was a favorite of yours. I'm so sorry."

"I don't understand."

Her kind eyes grew wet with tears. "He got into a scuffle with an older boy. The wrong boy. He pulled a knife on Lee. He died in surgery."

Tris broke then, her co-workers trying to help comfort her. But nothing would remove the sadness that consumed her. Not even as she put on a brave face for her other students.

As soon as the day was over, she headed over to Edward's and when he opened the door, she walked into his arms and burst out crying. Thankfully, his roommate was out, so she could tell Edward about Lee in private. He left her briefly to make her a cup of tea and when he returned he pulled her into his side and held her close.

"I was standing there in front of the kids," she whispered, "telling them that they had to learn too soon how fragile life is and that they should learn from it and really live life. I felt like such a hypocrite, telling them to live life when I'm so scared of living that I pushed Four away."

"What is it you're afraid of, Tris? Him hurting you?"

"Yes. But I don't want to be anymore. Once I get through this, I'm going to go to him."

"Tris, he loves you. You should go to him now, let him help you deal with this."

"I can't." she shook her head stubbornly. "I can deal with this alone. I'll go to him afterwards, so it's clear why I'm coming to him. Plus, I have to talk to him about something that could mean he doesn't want to be with me."

Edward frowned. "What could that possibly be?"

"The fact that I can't have kids."

"Since when?"

"I don't want them, Edward. After what happened. I almost died. I can't put the people I love through that again."

"Who says you will? There's a risk?"

She shrugged, feeling stupid but no less absolute in her fear. "There's always a risk of another ectopic pregnancy, but, no, the doctor said I could go on to have a healthy pregnancy."

"Okay, so… you don't want them? Or you're afraid?"

She shrugged.

"Do you want kids, Tris?" He insisted on an answer.

She pinched her lips together and nodded.

"Then one day… you'll be brave enough."

"I'm scared, Edward."

"Come here," he opened his arms and she went into them.

"I know you are, anyone would be. But if I know anything about Four Eaton is he's not about to let anything happen to you when he's around.' Edward said.

Tris pulled back to look at him, "It might not be him that I end up with."

Edward just her a look. "I have a feeling that one day you two will end up making me an Uncle Edward."

And he seemed so sure of it.

Edward wasn't the only one who attempted to get Tris to call Four to tell him about Lee. Christina did too. As much as her family and friends was there for her through the hard time of losing a student, they didn't seem to understand that she could handle it on her own.

The day of the funeral came and Tris was dressed in all black. One by one the mourners came and placed a red rose on Lee's casket. When Tris did, she murmured a quote.

"Good night, sweet prince.

And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest."

Good night, sweet prince. And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.

She was in such a state that she didn't look up until she was startled by the warm, rough fingers sliding through hers to hold her hand tight. Her breath left her as she turned to look up at Four.

Shock, relief, disbelief, and gratitude moved through her.

His kind eyes locked with mine and he held on tighter.

The truth hit her. She needed Four, and she knew that just like her family needed her to need them, he needed her to need him. So she let him know that she did.

Thank you.

He read the silent message in her eyes and in answer brushed his lips against her forehead in comfort. She closed her eyes, rested her head on his shoulder, and listened as the minister laid Lee to rest.

****PAGEBREAK****

Four's apartment wasn't anything like he'd described.

It was a fairly new build, a two-bedroom flat that was east of the city. It was small, but it was furnished in a masculine, contemporary style – it captured the idea of luxury on a budget. A large flat-screen TV hung on the wall across from the three-seater sofa in the open-plan living space. A small but modern kitchen was situated in the back of the room. There was a door in the middle of the back wall that she guessed led to the bedrooms.

Four had told her his place was a dump. He'd told her that because if he'd taken her to his flat he would have had to hide the photographs of Matthew that hung on the walls. He would have had to hide the toy box in the corner of the room, and the action figures set up by the French window that overlooked the gardens.

But he couldn't hide the second bedroom that she had no doubt was decorated for a little boy.

Leaving her to shrug out of her coat and take a seat on his black leather sofa, Four marched determinedly into the kitchen and started brewing her a cup of tea. Her face was frozen from the winter wind, but the chill that ran deep through the rest of her body was from having to watch a fifteen-year-old be buried on a day bright with winter sun and dark with bitter confusion.

"It's not fair," she murmured. "And I have to move past that. You'd go crazy, wouldn't you? If you obsessed over the unfairness of it all?"

Four poured hot water from the kettle into two mugs and then lifted his gaze to her. "It's times like these it's better to accept it and move on. But, yeah. It isn't fair." He moved back to her with the mugs, handed her one and then sat down close to me. His gorgeous eyes held sympathy and concern. "I'm sorry, Tris. I know he was a good kid."

She clutched the mug tightly in both hands, allowing the heat to seep into her. "Was it Christina that told you about Lee?"

"Edward, actually."

She raised an eyebrow. "I would have lost that bet."

****FLASHBACK****

 _Edward found out Four's address from Christina and headed over to his house, while he loved his stubborn friend to bits, sometimes she needed a reminder of things. One being to let people be there for her. And Four was who she needed most._

 _He knocked on his door, and waited. Not sure how Four would react to seeing him. The last time he had seen him, he had been kissing Tris in front of Four._

 _Just then, the door was flung open and Four was standing there. "What the hell do you want?" Four demanded._

" _Easy. I know you're upset with me, but this isn't about that. This is about because Tris needs you. Badly today."_

 _Four's anger eased some as he asked. "What happened?"_

" _One of her students was killed, the funeral is in less than an hour. She won't admit it, but she needs you." Edward said._

" _Was it Lee?" Four asked._

 _Edward nodded. Four's heart was breaking for Tris. He quickly got the address from Edward of where the funeral was, promising him that he would go._

 _Edward nodded and turned to leave. "Edward?" Four called to him, causing Edward to turn back around._

" _You know, I think we have one common interest. Putting Tris, first. I get your anger that you had at me, I'll never get over not being there for her when she lost our baby. Thank you, for being there for her when I wasn't." Four said._

" _Who knows? Maybe we'll end up being friends?" Edward said._

" _As long as you stop kissing my love." Four said as he turned to get ready._

 _****ENDFLASHBACK****_

Four settled his left hip into the back of the sofa, sliding his arm along it until his fingertips were close enough to touch her shoulder. "My question is, why didn't you tell me?"

Perhaps it was too much to have this conversation after Lee's funeral, but she knew it was time. Four was here. He had come to her when she needed him without her even having to ask.

"I hate that it took the death of one of my kids to wake me the hell up," she muttered angrily, not flinching from meeting his gaze even though she felt almost ashamed by her choices these last few months. Strike that. These last few years. "I thought if I could just get through this alone, then I could come to you after."

His brows drew together. "Tris, you broke up with me because I left you alone to deal with a miscarriage that almost cost you your life. Now you're telling me you want me to leave you alone to deal with the shitty things that happen? I'm confused."

"No. I thought I could and should do this alone, that it wasn't fair to want to lean on you, but as soon as you were there I knew I needed you." She swallowed hard and admitted, "And I'll always need you."

She watched as he leaned over to put his mug on the coffee table and when he faced her, his eyes were blazing. "Are you for real? Because I don't know if I can take you turning away from me again."

"The miscarriage… I don't know how to explain what it did to me. The worst thing that ever happened to me. I'm sorry for the way I blamed you, and have treated you. And if you can ever forgive, I can promise I won't ever do that you again. Ever."

He made a move towards her as if he was going to touch her. She held her hand up to stop him.

"Before you say anything, you need to know something."

Four grew still but gave a stiff little nod for her to continue.

"I wish I was stronger. I wish I was Tris before the miscarriage, but I lost a huge piece of her after it happened. Especially the part of her that went after what she wanted no matter the consequences. I want kids, I need you to know that, but if we get back together and somewhere down the road you wanted kids, I don't know if I could actually give you that." she couldn't read his expression. "What I'm trying to say is that I'm frightened to try to get pregnant, and I can't promise I'll ever get over that."

His hands were suddenly on her, pulling her close until their noses almost touched. "Do you love me?" he asked hoarsely.

Reaching a hand up, she ran the backs of her knuckles along his cheek, feeling the possessive thrill she always felt when she was near him. Because buried under all her crap was the utter belief she had deep in her bones that this man belonged to her. "What I said before was true. I've been in love with you since I was fourteen."

His grip tightened. "Then that's all that matters to me. We'll take the future as it comes. There's no promise that life will ever be easy. It never has been for me. But the moments where all that shit disappeared, where it ceased to matter to me, those moments always had you in them. I know you make me laugh, I know you make me feel worth something, you make me feel needed, and I know I want you like I've never wanted any other woman in my life. All that makes sense."

"I've never been able to explain what it is about you that makes all the bad go away. I don't need that to make sense, though. I don't know why it is that way. All I need to know is that you do, you always have. I'm in love with you. There is no one else for me and I don't know how I know, but I do know that there never will be. So" – he cupped her face in his hands, drawing her closer – "we'll deal with tomorrow, tomorrow."

After he pressed a soft kiss to her lips, he hugged her to his side and they sat there for a while as he comforted her in silence.

Finally, she said softly, reflectively, "It changes you. Loss."

She felt his arm tighten around her. "It changed you, babe. But not as much as you think."

"Still, it's always there. Do you think that's okay?"

"In what way is it always there?"

"When you haven't experienced loss directly, it's like… well, you drive the same road home you drive each night. You know it as well as anyone can. Then one night you decide for the hell of it to drive a different road home. You think nothing of it. It's merely a change of scenery."

He was quiet as he processed her words, and then his lips were in her hair, his whisper a promise. "Life's fragile, Tris. You know that and that's what those seconds are a product of. You're allowed to have those seconds, just as long as they don't mean you ever shut me out."

"I'm sorry that I wasn't there when you needed me the most, when we lost our baby. And if you don't wish to have any, then we won't, we have our family. We have each other and we have Matthew, and friends." Four swore to her.

Relieved that he understood, she closed her eyes and held on tighter, giving him a silent promise in return.

That night she slept next to Four in his bed for the first time. He held her close, keeping her warm and safe through her sadness.

She was just drifting to sleep when she heard Lee's voice in her head, a memory from weeks before.

"Just saying. Nice to know a big guy like that is watching your back."

From his voice came peace.


	8. Chapter 8

_**(A/N-Specia** l t_ _ **hanks to Bekki for beta reading this. Also ty to all who read, review follow and fav. This is the last chapter, I hope you enjoyed this tale.)**_

* * *

Four's muddy boots were sitting on a folded-out newspaper just inside the door to her flat. She felt something pleasant shift in her chest at the sight of them, and after she shut the door behind her, she cocked her head to listen for the sound of him.

She could hear the shower running.

To prove to him that she was serious about them, she'd given him a key to her flat a few days ago. She knew, despite his determination to keep them together, that she had a way to go in reassuring him that she wasn't going to do a one-eighty and come up with another reason for them not to work it out. Her suspicion that he wasn't quite over her defection sprang from the fact that this weekend was his weekend with Matthew and he hadn't suggested she stick around for it.

She could live with that.

Shrugging out of her own jacket, she draped it across the arm of the chair and began making her way out into the hall, unbuttoning her shirt as she sauntered towards the bathroom. For the last eight nights Four had stayed with her, but he'd given her space sexually, allowing her to deal with Lee's loss, and the ramifications of it upon her kids at school. Four didn't want to push her into the physical stuff, and that was thoughtful and considerate and, ironically, sexy as hell. That's why she was done with him giving her space. She wanted a new kind of comfort from him.

Dropping her shirt to the floor, she pushed open the bathroom door, the steam from the shower hitting her immediately. Four jerked his head up at the sight of her through the somewhat fogged glass of the shower screen, and then a slow smile that melted her insides lit up his handsome face.

She unzipped her pencil skirt and pushed it to the tiled floor, her eyes devouring her too-hot-to-be-real boyfriend. By the time her underwear was off, Four was ready for her. She stepped into the shower, eyed his hard-on with a sense of empowerment. He picked her up, her legs automatically going around his hips. It was now her turn to groan as he slid effortlessly into her. The water cascaded down over their bodies as their lips moved in perfect tune with their bodies. Tris leaned back, anchoring herself to him with her arm around his neck, arching her back as the water then rolled over her chest, Four lowered his head and nipped at her perk nipples.

"Love, I'm close." Four groaned out.

"Come with me." Tris said as she did just that. Her body twitching as the so sweet heartbeat went out between her legs, it's vibrations sending him over the edge, as he emptied himself inside her.

Later, they lay in bed, her arm draped over Four's stomach and her head resting on his chest. He turned her head to look at him. His gaze suddenly turned knowing. "I'll introduce you to Matthew as my girlfriend soon. I promise."

Wrinkling her nose, she pulled back from him, disquieted. "Are you a mind reader now?"

Four grinned and it was cocky enough for her to want to smack it off his lips. "I'm a Tris-reader and my not introducing you this weekend doesn't mean what you think it does. I just want this weekend to explain stuff to him first."

Appeased by that, she said, "It's fine. I get it." she settled back down beside him and pressed a soft kiss to his chest. "You do what's best for Matthew."

"You mean that?"

"Of course."

"Then I'm sorry, but… you're never taking him ice skating. Ever." He reminded her of the time they had gone ice skating and she had ran into people and knocked them all down.

Four's laughter rang throughout her apartment as he attempted to escape the punch that she was aiming for his upper arm.

****PAGEBREAK****

A few weeks later, Melissa was dropping Matthew off at Four's. Tris was there as Four wanted her to be there when important things like this started happening.

"I'll see you after school on Monday, honey. Have a great weekend with your daddy."

In answer Matthew hurried over to her and gave her a hug. She pulled back from him, looking down into his gorgeous face. "You'll have a good time with Tris, though. She's Daddy's other best friend, and you know if Daddy likes someone they're usually pretty cool."

Matthew looked at Tris a little dubiously over his shoulder but turned back to his mother. "Okay," he replied quietly.

The urge to cuddle him was great. He was so adorable. Tris had to remind herself, however, that he was a little boy and not a puppy. She doubted very much he wanted to be smothered with kisses and cuddles while she baby-talked to him.

"See you later, honey." Melissa kissed him on the forehead and gently nudged him toward Four. "Take care of him."

"Always do," he replied.

Once she was gone, Tris looked down at Matthew, who was watching her interaction with his dad like a hawk. "I heard three-year-olds love the zoo. Do you fancy a day at the zoo, Matthew?"

"I'm nearly four," he answered, holding up four fingers.

Must. Not. Cuddle.

Pushing past the overwhelming adorableness, she replied seriously, "Well, I've heard nearly-four-year-olds love the zoo, too."

His brows drew together. "Will there be lions?"

"They have two lions, I think, and big cats."

Matthew's face closed down at that and he moved into his dad's legs.

"They're in an enclosure. A big cage. They can't get at you."

He still looked unconvinced.

"Your dad will be there with us. Do you think he's going to let a lion get near you?"

It was the right thing to say. He looked up at his dad, contemplated how big he was compared to himself and slowly shook his head.

Four grinned and smoothed a hand over his son's hair affectionately. "You ready to go, then, buddy?"

He nodded and reached for his dad's hand.

As they were walking out the door, Four's other hand in hers, she asked, "You won't let the lions near me either, right?"

"It is tempting."

"What about penguins? Surely you won't let the penguins get me?"

"I don't know – that might be fun to watch."

She stopped on the stairwell and Four and Matthew drew to a halt on the steps below her. "No penguin protection? What kind of superhero are you?"

"You're weird," Matthew said quietly to her.

Four burst out laughing. "Little man, you don't know the half of it."

Since Matthew grinned in response, Tris took the "weird" comment on the chin and went with it.

****PAGEBREAK****

Matthew and Tris stared at each other across the table at a rest area in the zoo.

Four had left her with him while he went up to order them some food from the zoo café. Everything had been fine while they wandered around the zoo with Four present as a buffer. When Matthew had gotten close to the lion enclosure and one of the lions let out what she thinks was really just a yawn rather than a growl, she had easily reassured him, so he didn't go skittering off in fear.

But alone? Even if it was only for a few minutes? She felt so much pressure for him to like her that her mind was suddenly blank. She couldn't think of any topics of conversation that were appropriate for a child.

"You were scared of the snakes," Matthew suddenly said, tilting his head to the side inquisitively.

He was not wrong.

"I don't like snakes."

"Why?"

That was actually a really difficult question to answer for a small child. "They scare me."

He frowned. "Why?"

"Uh… because so many of them can bite you, and the bite can make you really, really sick."

"All of them?"

"Well, no…"

"But you're scared of all of them?"

"Yes." She could see where this was going, and she didn't like it.

"Why?"

Yup, that's where she thought it was going.

There really was no good explanation other than irrational fear, and she didn't think an almost-four-year-old would understand irrationality as an answer. She didn't want the kid to think she disliked things because they were different, because even at his age that kind of thinking might stick with him. In the end, she replied, "The hissing sound they make."

Matthew stared at her a second and then nodded slowly. She gave an inner sigh of relief before quickly changing the subject.

"What was your favorite animal?"

"Giant panda," he answered immediately.

"Why?"

He shrugged. "Cool eyes. I wasn't scared. It smiled."

"All good reasons."

"Do you live with my daddy now?"

And they were back in dangerous territory. She shook her head. "No. We just hang out a lot."

"You'll be there when I come to stay?"

"Sometimes. Is that okay with you?"

Matthew shrugged again. "Daddy laughs a lot, so okay."

She felt elated by Matthew's analysis of the situation and the blessing he had given her in his cute little-boy way. When Four came back to the table with the food, she was grinning from ear to ear. He smiled in bewilderment at her expression as he sat down and made sure Matthew had his food and juice. "What's going on with you?"

She shrugged. "I just love giant pandas."

Four's brows drew together, and he looked at Matthew as if he would explain. His son gave him a look as if to say, What? It makes sense to me, and Tris burst out laughing.

Four was smiling, but he leaned his head down to Matthew and said, "You were right. Weird."

"Is Tris your girlfriend now, Daddy?" Matthew asked suddenly.

Tris looked to Four to let him answer that. He smiled as he took Tris' hand in his over the table, as he then looked down into his son's face. "Yes, Matthew. Tris is my girlfriend, you're very important to me, as is Tris."

"Oh."

"Is that okay with you, little man?" Four asked.

"Yes, she might be a little weird, but she seems nice." Matthew said as Tris looked from his adorable face to Four, who winked at her.

She didn't care that they teased her, as long as they teased her forever.

****PAGEBREAK****

It was now the last day of school, and Tris was thinking back on how this year went. She looked at Lee's desk, and felt a rush of pain as she thought about the young life that was now lost.

"Knock, knock."

Her gaze jerked away from the desk and her eyes widened in surprised pleasure, her mood instantly lifting at the sight of Four and Matthew walking into her classroom.

"What are you two doing here?" she asked, grinning happily as Matthew's steps quickened. He reached her and instantly slid his arms around her legs. She hugged him close as Four bent down to give her a quick, sweet kiss on the lips.

"I thought maybe you'd want some company. Not an easy day for you, babe."

She shook her head in wonder. How had he known when even she hadn't known? "I love you," she murmured.

"I love you, too."

Tris looked down at Matthew to see him watching them. She scrunched her nose up at him. "Guess what?"

"What?" he returned, genuinely curious.

"I love you, too."

He smiled shyly and ducked his head.

So cute, she could die.

"Matthew, what do you say?" Four chucked his chin.

Matthew shrugged. "Tris knows I loves her." His words became a mumble, but she got the gist.

"He's four and he's uncomfortable saying 'I love you.' I already pity his future girlfriends."

Four laughed. "He's a man. He has a hard time showing his feelings."

"You're a man and you don't have a hard time showing your feelings."

"In public I do."

"You just said you loved me in front of Matthew."

"It's just Matthew."

"So, you're telling me that when we get married you're not going to say you love me in your wedding vows?"

"You don't say 'I love you' in wedding vows."

"You do if you write your own." she was completely messing with him and it was worth it to see the flicker of panic in his eyes.

"Write my own… vows?" His grip on Matthew's shoulders tightened.

"Mmm-hmm."

"You want me to write my own vows?"

She turned her mouth down at the corners as she shrugged. "Well, I might let you off with it, if you actually get around to proposing sometime."

The light dawned in his eyes. "You manipulative —"

Tris grabbed her purse off her chair, ready to leave. "Finish that sentence and I won't say yes."

"I never asked," he argued, ushering Matthew out behind her.

"But you're going to." she glanced back at Matthew. "Your daddy is a slowpoke."

"Come on, Matthew, I'll get us an ice cream while your daddy plays catch up." Tris said as Matthew ran over to her and put his hand in hers.

"Traitor." Four called after his son.

Four knew he had been lucky, very lucky to have gained the love of his life back. He would do everything that he could to make sure that his family always knew that they were loved.

They were meeting Edward and his new girlfriend Cara, along with the others for dinner at Christina and Will's home.

"Matthew," Edward greeted Matthew first. The two of them bumped fists, the brightness in Matthew's eyes the only indication that he was thrilled to see Edward. While it had taken a few months for Four to come around to Edward, his son had latched on to Tris' best friend within a matter of hours after meeting him. They shared an overall seriousness that put them beyond their years and had a seemingly innate understanding of each other.

Surrounded by family and friends at dinner, chatter sparked off all around Tris as she leaned against Four, her hand resting lightly on Matthew's head, and she didn't feel overwhelmed.

She felt content.

She felt at peace.

Later as the evening went, Matthew climbed onto her lap and rested his head against her chest.

He probably heard her heartbeat banging away in his ear.

Looking down at the top of his head, she tentatively lifted her hand to stroke his soft curls. "Tired, sweetheart?"

He nodded slowly, and relaxed even deeper into her.

"Do you want to go home, and I'll read Where the Wild Things Are before bedtime?"

He nodded again.

Her chest tight with emotion, she looked up from him to search out Four. It didn't surprise her to find his eyes were already on them, and there was such intensity in the way he was watching them that her chest tightened that little bit more until she was entirely breathless. Once they got home, Four gave his son a bath and then Tris was reading him a story, she was about finished when Matthew asked her, "Are you going to marry my dad?"

Tris stopped reading the book to him immediately, "I'm not sure."

"I hope so, he's very happy with you being around us," Matthew said.

"I love being around both of you, very much," Tris said.

"I think you should marry Tris, Daddy," Matthew said to his father who was standing in the doorway.

Tris gasped at Matthew's words.

"Matthew, I think that's a conversation for a later day," Four said as he sat down beside his son.

"But why can't you marry her?" Matthew asked.

Tris quietly made her way out of the room to give them some privacy. But the conversation continued.

"I can marry her," Four said.

"Then do it," Matthew said.

"Tris and I are still re-connecting from what we once were when we were younger," Four said.

"What does that mean?" Matthew asked.

"It means, Daddy did something when we were younger that hurt Tris' feelings, I didn't do it on purpose, but I made her really sad."

Matthew's eyes filled with tears. "Would you ever do that to me, Daddy?"

"God, no Matthew. I didn't mean to do it to Tris, but I wasn't in a good place in my life at the time." Four said. "But I promise you and Tris, I'll never hurt either of you. Ever."

"Did you say you were sorry?" Matthew asked.

"I did. And Tris has accepted my apology. I know this doesn't make a lot of sense to you, but it will one day," Four said. He didn't really want to tell his son what had happened after he had left Tris behind, but if he asked when he was older, Four would answer truthfully.

Matthew nodded, "I trust you, Daddy."

Meanwhile Tris was getting her things together to leave Four's. She didn't spend every day of their alternative weekend arrangement with them because she felt it would be an easier transition for Matthew if he at least got his dad to himself sometimes. That was hard for her, not just because she missed Four whenever he wasn't around, but because those alternate weekends were the highlight of her month. She missed Matthew when he wasn't with them, so she knew Four must miss him a million times more.

She was in the sitting room, pushing her feet into her shoes, when strong arms wrapped around her waist and she found herself pulled back against Four's chest. "Where are you going?" his gravelly voice rumbled sexily in her ear.

A shiver chased down her spine, but she knew she had to ignore it. "Time for me to go home." Not once had she remained overnight when Matthew was staying with Four. They wanted to take things slow when it came to introducing her into Matthew's life.

Four kissed her neck as his hand coasted up her side, and over her ribs until he was cupping her left breast.

She sighed in pleasure, arching her back. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to get my girl to come to bed with me."

Reluctantly, she broke the embrace to turn to look at him in question. "But Matthew —"

"We'll be quiet," Four murmured hungrily against her mouth. "And I think we're good to start introducing you as a permanent feature to his weekends with me." His lips brushed over hers. Hers tingled in answer. Like always.

"Do you think he'll be okay with that?" she panted, her hands already roaming over his strong chest.

"You make those great pancakes of yours in the morning, he'll be fine." He reached for another kiss, but she grinned, stalling it momentarily.

"Pancakes I can do."

"Good," he growled, crushing her against him. "Now do me."

****PAGEBREAK****

Breathe, Tris.

Breathe.

She sucked in a giant gulp of air and almost choked on it.

Her whole body was shaking and no matter how much she tried to push back the fear, it kept surging forth, attempting to wrap its clawed hand around her throat. Her gaze bored into the door to her flat as she waited for Four to come home.

They'd finally decided it made more sense for him to move in with her, and thankfully Matthew had been okay with that, particularly because he had fun picking out all the stuff for his new room. That had only been six weeks ago.

It was fast. They knew that. They'd been together less than a year, but considering their history and the fact that they loved each other to pieces, it was the right move for us.

It didn't feel fast.

This… this was fast.

And this… this was…

Terrifying.

She didn't know if she could do it.

The key turned in the lock.

Four walked in, his head came up, and as soon as he saw her standing there, with the petrified expression on her face, he closed the door. "What's going on?" he asked, his eyes dark with concern.

Pale, feeling the tingles of nausea on her cheeks, Tris fought for some control. "My period is really late." she held up the pregnancy test, her hand visibly shaking.

Four's eyes flew from the test to her face, and then suddenly she was in his arms. He could feel her trembling hard and his muscles tightened around her. "It's going to be okay," he told her in his quiet, controlled voice. "Love, I won't let anything happen to you."

She fought the burn of tears in her throat. "It must have been when I went off the pill to take those tablets for the sickness bug I caught on when we took that mini vacation. I knew we shouldn't have had sex when I was feeling better," she murmured absentmindedly.

"We don't know anything yet, right?" He pulled back to look into her face, and what he saw there made his features taut. "Tris, don't look like that. It kills me."

Her lips quivered as she tried to smile. She didn't pull it off. "I'm scared. I'm trying not to be."

He cupped her face in his hands. "It's understandable, but I promise I won't let anything happen to you. You know that."

Nodding her head again, she clutched him more tightly. "I should take the test, so we know for sure." She turned and before he could say anything else she was in the bathroom with the door locked behind her. She peed on the stick and waited and waited and waited...

"Tris, what's going on in there?" Four rapped impatiently on the bathroom door.

She'd flushed the toilet seconds before she'd thrown up, so he wouldn't hear her being sick. She flushed the toilet again and stood on shaky legs. Four rapped on the door once more while she brushed her teeth, avoiding the strained, pale face in the mirror that she didn't recognize.

Finally, once she looked as good as she could, she opened the door. He forced it open all the way, so he could yank her out of the bathroom and into his arms. "Well?" he asked, his voice deeper, rougher than usual as he stroked her hair off her face.

Her lips felt numb. "Test says I'm pregnant," she whispered.

He didn't even blink. "We'll get you in to see the doctor tomorrow, we'll get it confirmed, and then we'll get it all checked out to make sure everything is okay."

She looked away, fighting the panic that was rising again swiftly on the heels of the last wave of it. "I don't know if I'm brave enough."

The little shake he gave her brought her gaze back to his. "You are. You know you are."

"This is too fast."

He gave her a reassuring smile. "You don't think we can handle another kid?" He squeezed her waist and through her panic she sensed his quiet excitement. "This is our kid, Tris."

"Before when I found out I was pregnant, I didn't realize until it was too late how much I wanted my baby, our baby."

Four's heart broke upon hearing that. "If you are pregnant this won't be do-over. We will never forget our first child."

Tris nodded. The she took a deep breath and raised her shaking hands and laid them on his chest. "If our kid doesn't kill me, we're getting married."

Four scowled. "You have a sick sense of humor."

"I either joke and get through this or I start to cry."

He considered the ultimatum and gave a sharp nod. "Sick sense of humor it is, then."

She tried her best at a brave nod in acknowledgment of his acquiescence and she pulled away. "Do you want a coffee? I need tea." She began to make her way slowly down the hallway.

She was just at the kitchen door when he called her name.

"Yeah?" she turned around, feeling exhausted. She quickly grew alert, however, at the dark intensity in Four's eyes. He often looked at her like that when they were making love.

He took a step toward her. "Kid or no kid… this is us forever, and you're right, we should make that official." Another step closer. "Marry me."

The panic retreated along with her breath. "Is that a request or a demand?" she asked breathlessly, laughter in the words.

Four's lips curled up at the corners. "A little of both."

She cocked her head to the side, contemplating him with mischief in her eyes. That he could make her feel this way when she also felt so worried about the future was one of the reasons she loved him. "If you'd asked me when I was seventeen I would have given my parents both a heart attack by saying yes."

"And now?"

She shrugged and began to turn away. "I'll think about it."

Two seconds later she was hauled into his arms, laughing as he growled, "I'll think about it?" against her mouth.

She nodded, wrapping her arms around his neck to hold on to him.

"Think fast." He nipped at her lip.

"Okay, okay…"

"Tris," Four warned.

Standing on her tiptoes, she brushed her lips against his ear and whispered, "I'll say yes. I promise."

"Then say it now," he whispered back.

"You're my best friend."

"Tris."

"Always have been. Always will be." she pulled back to hold his handsome face in her hands.

"I'll take that as your yes," he replied, his voice hoarse with emotion.

Letting all her feelings of tender affection and love shine out of her eyes, she grinned. "You always were good at reading me."

He kissed her, pulling back only to look her deep in the eyes. Understanding passed silently between them. They could do this.

It hadn't been an easy journey to here. They'd tried to fly numerous times since meeting each other, and they'd fallen more times than they liked to count. That was life.

Flying and falling.

****PAGEBREAK****

Four took very good care of Tris during her pregnancy. She was immediately checked out, and the doctor assured them both that the egg was safely implanted in her womb. Tris was nervous the whole pregnancy though, even though she knew Four wouldn't let anything happen to her, the memories of what had happened before, were a reminder. Four kept her distracted as best he could with their wedding at the lake that year, surrounded by family and friends.

But months later, on a beautiful spring day, Noah Lee Eaton was born, his middle name after the young boy that had made an impact on Tris' life. Noah's father was the doting dad, and his mother just fell in love all over again. He also was loved by his older brother, Matthew who couldn't wait for Noah to get bigger so he could play with him.

Tris had the loves of her life and a support system that she knew if she ever needed them, she needn't be afraid to lean on them.

Her family made sure of that.

 _ **THE END.**_


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